How should I love you…?
I wish I could explain
Cassavetes – movie director. The best in my opinion. In his pictures the actors are amateurs. His works are black and white and made with regular, not fancy cameras. Lighting is as it is, not much changed or improved. Nothing has been changed or improved in his movies. He shows everything as it is in real life. The settings are common, daily - kitchen, room, house. Camera is just standing there in one position and watching. Then he repositions the observer in different angle and is watching again. Life as it is. Dialogues are ordinary, nothing special. Just discussions. But all of it incredible. You can feel everything, deep to the bones. Pain of life. Pain of existence.
Shoot number 1.
She is sitting in the kitchen and responds to the email writing on her phone.
“I was born and raised in same town. Only went to Erie a lot when i was younger, great grandma owned a cottage. Went to PA one time to see brother in rehab but did not get to see nothin else.
My day is routine get up drink tea or coffee, clean a little (some times, hate it), prepare and cook supper, wash up, make sure grandma got what she needs, go on EP and fan fiction, sleep an hour or two and start over.
I dont get out much, about once a month to pay bills and a couple times a month for grocery shopping. Once a year i go to the fair.”
Shoot number 2. She is in the living room answering another email.
“I want to escape sometimes but it mostly when there is trouble. I worry about bills and what is in store in the hours to come. I lost myself long ago and dont know how or when i might find me”
Shoot number 3. Kitchen table in the middle dead roses and piece of bread on the cutting board.
Woman, one of many
I wish I could make your flowers alive again