I Can't Breathe

I am young, and people say I am pretty. I am an academic, I strive for success. I love art and love, but I live emancipation and science... I love nature, but I need the city. It's simple. I am gemini, 2 hearts in one chest, it is not possible to do everything, and I will be missing everything else.
Yesterday I danced tango with a stranger. It reminded me of something I used to know. Today I saw a photo on facebook of the guy I loved.
It's funny, cause he's got everything now, but he shouldn't. He used to tell me that my eyes are small, that I will look like Merkel once I'll get old, he called me funny names, but they were never really affectionate. I forgot to feel pretty. He loved me, I know that, but that is why he broke my heart: He hurt me so much, and I couldn't leave him, who would just leave someone who loves you so much.
I listened to the things he said, and forgave him the things he had done.
Now he is with another girl, and suddenly seems to be the perfect partner, caring and funny, and he is living my dream of being an artist. He didn't care when my dream of being an artist cracked and faded.
Now I live a life, and so many people tell me: It's a wonderful life you got.
But I can't breathe. I don't understand what's wrong. I had been alone for 3 years now, and all I ever wanted was to be happy and to be able to share it with someone I love. I just think life is so unfair. I've been sick, I've been unlucky, people try to put me down. I stand up again, every single time. I come home to an empty house, and there's no one to tell me: it's gonna be ok.

deleted deleted
26-30
2 Responses Sep 9, 2012

I will tell you...It's gonna be okay...it's going to suck for a loong time...but one day you will wake up and just notice it wont hurt or your wont care. sometimes, it just takes a looooong time...but it's gonna be okay. I've had people crush my heart soo many times and it amazes me how i can forget them...lol moving helps-----> crazy mover here lol

Hope you find the guy to be with soon,There is someone for you.I like the peace and tranquility of empty house but as have been looking after others since 16 like some ME time.