Loneliness In Retrospect

Barbara Asher wrote "The Box Man knows loneliness chosen loses its sting and claims no victims." I can't disagree more.

Growing up, I was always pretty smart. I would get excellent test scores and loved listening to the adult conversations at family social events. However, when I got to high school, I was disgusted by the environment. Teachers lighting up in class, staff being dismissed for child *********** charges... anyone, literally ANYONE could pass a class just by showing up, even if they never submitted work. So, my protest started. I did the bare minimum to pass my classes because any work given was merely busy work and I never learned anything knew, so I figured school a waste of time. Well, now I am a high school graduate with a dreadful GPA and I'm currently waiting for a shipping day, as I have enlisted in the Air Force.

Looking back on my high school career, I don't regret my lack of effort academically, as I can still go into the Air Force regardless. However, I DO regret never being able to hang out with friends outside of school, due to my controlling religious parents. I became withdrawn emotionally and a lot of people mistook it for pretentiousness based on the way I speak in conversations, so I was quickly written off. I mean, I laughed and joked around all the time with people in class, and I was liked enough, but after a while, I was no longer invited to anything. Thus, I cut myself off from everyone after high school. I thought it would make my life a bit more bearable until I left for the Service, but instead, it was the worst mistake ever. It showed me not a single person cared about my existence, which really sucks. I can't really do anything to change it as everyone I used to talk to went off to University, and my parents still dictate all aspects of my life. I've learned that loneliness chosen never loses its sting, because it doesn't negate the fact that you're still alone.

I'm still waiting to find that one person who will share my love for astrobiology, general science, philosophy, music of all genres, literature, politics, and, of course, a twisted sense of humor. I've always wondered what it's like for people with best friends, and if they appreciate what they have.

Thankfully, the Air Force will be a second chance, and I'm grateful for the opportunity to reinvent myself and be the captain of my own life.
PerfectlyPunctual PerfectlyPunctual
18-21, F
Sep 11, 2012