Cursed With A Lone Wolf's Heart.

I have never done anything like this before. I am using this as a way to vent and I suppose share my experience. I live in a small town of about 45,000 people. I have lived here almost all of my life. I have been divorced for 2 years or so now... maybe 3 years... I honestly can't remember. I have recently moved back in with my parents after I got tired of having to pay for my room mates, because they didn't want to pay their share. I made the least amount of money and yet I paid for everything! I thought that moving back in with my parents would save me some money. So far I think I have spent more than I used to at my old house. I am depressed most of the time. I am an Artist and Musician. My parents are not very understanding of my passion. I do have a day job, so it's not like I'm not making any money. I played a few shows here in town. I have written enough songs to play for one hour. All original. All parts composed by me! I play the guitar and sing, while my MP3 player has all the backing tracks that I made so I sound like a full band. Nobody, but my family showed up at my first show. It was terrible. It was at a Bar/Restaraunt. I already fealt bad enough that I was blasting rock music at these people who clearly just wanted to enjoy their food, but the whole time my mother was telling me everything that I was doing wrong. After the show my Uncle gave me his opinion which fealt more like he thought it was more FACT than his own opinion about my music. My mother just looked at me and walked out of the Bar... so... pretty good gig. In my mind, if the people who are basically supposed to lie to you and tell you that you are amazing even when you are garage can't even tell you that you did a good job than I must have been so terrible. The thing about it is, I know that I sounded good. It was just THEIR opinion, but for whatever reason they couldn't bring themselves to tell me good job. Not really sure why. I am just an average rock musician. I don't do anything shocking on stage. It's just Blues/Rock. Ever since that last show I have been so hurt. My own family couldn't even lie to me about me being good. They hated my music that much. My music is such a good representation of my soul. If they can't appreciate my music than I don't understand how they can appreciate me. That's not the only problem. My mother has a way about her that just makes you feel terrible. Never tell her ANYTHING! She will always turn it around to something negative or make you feel stupid. I have always been a lone wolf type of character, but I think that it has more to do with my upbringing than just being born a lone wolf. My mother is so judgemental and nothing is good enough for her and my father doesn't take anything seriously so it makes one feel that they will never succeed. Currently I am looking for a new city to live in. I need to be in a bigger city. There are very few musicians here and 99% of them will ONLY play in cover bands. Also I have asked out 6 or 7 girls around town and all have had boyfriends except 1. Her response was that "She kind of hates men at the moment"... I didn't know whether to apologize or what! I feel like I do not belong here at all. I can't handle people putting me down on a near daily basis. I either need support or nothing at all, but I can't deal with the negativity. O poo... this is long isn't it?
goluboy goluboy
22-25, M
Sep 16, 2012