Maybe I've Always Been..

I think I've spent all of my life hoping to meet that one person that understood me. Someone I could share everything with. Be myself.. and have them love me anyway. I'm not selfish. If I love someone, I bend over backwards to try to make them happy. I give all that I have, for that relationship. I have longed to finally feel secure with someone. Someone to have things in common with, someone to have amazing conversations with, someone to encourage and be encouraged by.. to support one feel like I really matter to someone.Someone who is willing to put as much into the relationship as I do. I'm not sure I've ever had that. I've been in relationships that I know the other person loves me, but for one reason or another, it wasn't right. We weren't on the same intellectual level, or we didn't have too much in common.. or just something was askew enough that it just never felt like this is 'the one'.

I don't expect someone to be perfect. If the relationship is right, you work around those things that maybe aren't so desirable. I know I'm not perfect.. far from it..and God knows they'd need some patience to deal with my family at times. But some days.. I just wonder what it would be like.. to be in that type of relationship. To matter to someone, as much as they matter to you.

It feels like this void in my heart grows by each passing year. I don't want to get to the point that I give up hoping to find that, but by the same token, the sadness of not having this in my life is becoming harder to bear.

MissBehaviour MissBehaviour
36-40, F
2 Responses Sep 17, 2012

hi MissBehaviour, I totally understand what you are going through. As I read your post i thought I could have written it myself. I am 40 and have never really been in a good relationship. It feels as if life is passing me by and I'm looking in from the outside of life. its very lonely and isolating. I would love to be with the one person who i can love and who will let me love them. I hope you find that soon.

Do not lose hope, or let yourself get down. I realize that is easy for me to say. Find joy within yourself and you will be able to project your warmth to others. Confidence is something that is a magnet. Choosing someone with equal confidence is also beneficial. 2 people without wounds travel much faster and go much farther.

Take care

thank you Northern, you are right. I feel bad, sometimes I seem to only come to EP when I want to vent and/or moan.. I usually keep myself together a bit better than perhaps my posts portray. I appreciate your kind words and advice. You are right. I do need to work on me a bit.

My pleasure.
I am getting closer, myself. I was in a defeating marriage for many years, I am stronger now than I have ever been. I continue to attempt to increase that strength.
Never give up, regarding self-improvement/enhance of your inner soul.