Will I Always Be?

I grew up with 2 parents and 2 siblings... but when i grew up none of them were there for me. my dad always off to work and would get home late (rarely being able to spend time with him). my mother was in her own world, dont get me wrong she atleast cooked and cleaned but was distant, she never sat down to spend time with me, or yet alone shown any sign of affection to me. as for my siblings they saw me as a drag and would run off to play with their friends. and i would get so sad and fustrated because i had no friends of my own, yet alone anyone to talk to, so i made an imaginary friend (thats another story). you see i was the youngest in my family. and felt most unwanted which is ironic cause ive seen and heard of the youngest child getting most of the attention and being the most spoiled. but not in my case. i was not only lonely at home but at school as well. i remember my first day at school. i was so scared. but hoping id make a friend. which i didnt... seemed like everyone made friends except for me. in fact, the kids would pick on me, but thats another story as well. i thought maybe it was the fact that i was to quiet or shy? i doubt it was the way i looked because i wasnt obese or deformed in any way. anyways, what im getting to is that i grew up feeling lonely, because i was. and i believe it stuck to me... i still feel lonely.. despite the fact that now i have friends and even a boyfriend. but the lonelyness i feel now is different from when i was a child. i dont feel lonely in the sense i dont have anyone to talk to, or even pay attention to me. but i feel lonely in the sense that no one understands me. nor do i understand the world.