Isolated26herts

Hello. I am 26, male and live alone. I frequently feel lonely and isolated although I put on an outward veneer of happiness and contentment with my isolation. I only work part time and even then with just one other person. I try to keep myself busy, I cycle 30 miles a week, I exercise an awful lot and cook everything I eat fresh and have succeeded in losing 7 stones in the last year. Outwardly, this will sound terribly vain, I now look great having looked dreadful for years, but I spend probably 80% or more of my life alone. I send messages to people on facebook about the most mundane things just hoping they will talk to me or decide to give me a call. I invite people to my house for dinner but they usually don't come. I gave up drinking a year ago and attend an addiction recovery group several times a week but even there I often feel lonely as I am often too shy to speak to people. I know (I have been told) that I give off a vibe of "don't come near me, don't speak to me, don't come close to me" which is the exact opposite of how I feel. Even where I live is quite isolating; right out on the very edge of a town with miles of fields opposite and on high ground. I don't drive either so cycling is my only form of transport and weather dependent. I push people away. I was severely attacked by my ex- partner 4 and a half years ago and haven't allowed a relationship to form since. I've had plenty of offers recently and sometimes from really nice guys to go on dates etc, but I just can't do it. I know I am to blame for my isolation. Often I do genuinely prefer it, but it makes for a lonely bed and a lonely life.
isolated26herts isolated26herts
26-30
Sep 25, 2012