What The **** Is Happening?!

All I need is support from people that I am closest to and I am not getting that. Nobody knows the full story apart from myself and nobody is ever going to know. My mum can do what she wants, Call the school, Social services, police, doctors, councillors but to be honest from day one I have said that nobody is ever going to see what’s inside of me. I ******* hate it when people take advantage of me when im in a venerable place. I need to talk to someone who I don’t know and I don’t care who it is.

Just had a chat with Mikel. Realised that I have no idea what I am upset about. I am just depressed. I don’t know what it is. There is only one thing that people don’t know and nobody is ever going to know about it apart from the people I have already told who are Jordan, Fran, Selina and Sian. They wont tell anybody to that is okay. I am just worried what is going to happen when people do eventually find out and I know for a fact that they will because someone always finds out. I have learnt the hard way that the truth always comes out no matter how long it’s kept a secret. I think to be honest that I need to tell my mum. Although I know that my trust with her will go back to zero and I will have to completely start again. On second thoughts.. I’m not going to ruin the progress I have made. I am not going to let Leona or Sian or anybody get me down and am just going to take everyday as it comes and embrace it with open arms. To be completely honest with you, a counsellor will do **** all. Just make me more depressed. Because talking about **** always makes me feel worse in the long run, because then people know what I’m thinking about and what has happened and then they have this fixed judgement about me and even though I know that people say that they don’t have a bad opinion on me, no matter how many smiles and hugs that I get from the people I love I know that in the back of their heads is the thought of how I have done so many bad things and I should get help. People say that the music I listen to is wrong. But that is a matter of opinion and I know that it’s not mainstream music but that’s just a community, I have chosen not to be a part of it. I tried it out for a while and didn’t like it. People we’re so shallow and vein. They we’re self obsessed and we’re offensive if someone wasn’t ‘normal’ but to be honest.. What is normal? We are all different and if the ‘normal’ is dressing like everybody else and doing your hair and makeup like so called ‘famous’ people and listening to the same music then **** that! We are all different and I think we should embrace that. Yes we are all human. And some of us have the same hair colour. And some of us have the same eye colour. But nobody has the same fingerprints and nobody looks the same (unless you are twins but that’s just because you have the same DNA) and I think that we should embrace that! Everybody has the right to be different! No matter if your black, white, pink, red, green, or orange we all are beautiful in very different ways. I believe that everybody should have a second, third, and even forth chance, I get so angry everyday knowing that I cannot make a difference in this world, simply because I am not super smart or super rich but just knowing that I have helped at least one person is enough to let me sleep at night. I am blogging to myself right now because yet again I am not aloud the Internet. But as soon as im back on there I am going to post this and hopefully get a reaction. Positive or negative I don’t mind. I just hope I help somebody.

What am I going to do about school? I have no idea. I just want to get on with my schoolwork and hopefully get the grades I need to be a successful person in this world. And make a difference to someone.
I think that that is all I have to say for today.

Remember you are beautiful and you will be okay..

Until next time..
Kalli <3
agirlconfusedbytheworld agirlconfusedbytheworld
13-15, F
Nov 30, 2012