Failure Of Being A Mother Of Three

I can make excuses that I did the best I could do, but that is not true I truely failed. I have failed at all my relationships especially my children. I am so sorry. I have spent years trying to make up. I have gone without, paided their bills over and over, taken their harsh words. Sometimes they punish me on purpose to make me feel guilty because they know I feel that I have failed them. I did not raise produtive children, what do I do now? They are well in their 30"s and I can not say no! to them. I accept all their failures, bad legal choices and give all financial and guilt emotion that I can. believe me I have so tried to make up who and what I am to them. I do not use my up bringing or abuse as an excuse. I accepted them and the responsiblity that would come with having them. But I am so tired of spending my days in guilt, working two jobs one for me and one for the three of them. I have no rights or privelages of being a grandmother, it is restricted and I feel unappreciated of what I give. It has cost me person relationships, friends and even marriages.I cannot stop feeling the guilt. I feel that I deserve nothing. that I should continue what I have been doing. I so want to stop. I am pushing 50 yrs now and I am so tired.
heathensavage heathensavage
46-50
Dec 2, 2012