Whaatt Thee Fuccckk?!?!?!?

I am so confused. I don’t understand why I am still here.
People say I have it good. But they don’t understand what im going through.. Nobody does.. I am the most confused person on earth right now. Why am I even still here?
Lesson on suicide the other day.. ******* brilliant..
Made me think about things.. Got home from school and couldn’t stop crying, Had a row with my mum and rang Child Line.. It kind of helped but they don’t know me so don’t understand..
Was hanging out with my ex girlfriend today and we made a joint Tumblr account as lesbians saying that we were together and It just brought back old feelings. I’m just getting over her and now she brings this up again. Cheers.
When I got home it was okay because I went upstairs and texted Jack and Jordan for about an hour, Feeling a little better although I am worried sick about Jordan as he almost got kicked out of college today because of something he did. I need to talk to him, in person, seriously. Because if I worry about him anymore I might end my life. He claims he is a big boy and he can look after himself, but to be honest, he can’t, he is always getting into trouble and I am beating myself up about it because there is nothing I can do about it..
It’s breaking me..
Me and Jack are okay, Although he lives 500 miles away and we will never see each other apart from when he comes down to see me which I hope he does soon because im missing him like crazy. I just want to hold him forever, kiss him until I cant move, and lay with him forever, holding him tight, staring into his beautiful eyes, I will probably cry.
As he is my saviour.
People say you don’t meet the one until you are older and you have experienced many men..
But I honestly believe I have found him already.
He is perfect.
In every single way.
He is kind, caring, beautiful (inside and out) amazingly sexy, makes me feel needed and wanted, he makes me feel special and like we are the only two people in the world..
I cannot wait until summer.. We are going to have the best time In the world..
I just want to take a pill so that I go to sleep tonight and wake up the first day of summer holidays so I wont have to wait long for him to come down. But to be honest. He promised he would come and see me. But I don’t know if he will feel the same in 7 months. I hope he does. I really do..

I want him here with me now.. just laying in bed with me.. forever and ever until I die..
I will die thinking about him..
He means the world to me..
I cannot live without him.
But my mum, that annoying person in my life.. who stops me doing everything. Even if it’s right.. she doesn’t want me having a phone so I have to use hers.. but since we had a row today im not sure she will let me use it again.. fuckkk I always ******* ******* things up for myself!!!!!!!!!! Why?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!? JUST GIVE ME A ******* AWNSER!!!!!!!!! BUT OBVIOUSLY YOU WONT!!!!!! BECAUSE YOUR NOT A ******* REAL PERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAUUUUUUAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

agirlconfusedbytheworld agirlconfusedbytheworld
13-15, F
1 Response Dec 2, 2012

Not even going to try and act like your life doesn't suck right now. Here if you want to talk. Not always online but when I am we can if you want to.

Thank you very much :-) <3