Nothing Surrounds Me ..

nothing surrounds me only hatred and misery and hardship.. sure i have a roof over my head a humble council dwelling and £90 pounds a week to feed myself and buy gas and electric water etc .. its not much though.. i used to survive on little more when my daughter lived here...i feel more alone when i hear of other peoples lives .. especially my "ex" the football man .. his very presence still seems to dominate me even after almost a year of being separated from him.... he will have his kids for christmas in bonnie geordie land and hes invited for the christmas meal with some work friends of his and then hes going to yorkshire on the boxing day for a big family party with his brother and sister and their extended family .... i do not know why i feel so much jealousy about how his life is now .. he was waiting to be unburdened from me so he could start enjoying life without clingy crazy me around....... christmas eve me and my best friend WINE for company .. wines good you know , never lets you down always there like a pain in the neck...then christmas day me and TURKEY having our dinner together hes always the perfect guest lets me eat him first!
i guess i could go to my hometown am not really welcome there a few superficial friends that have their own agendas (i do not deny them that) but walk a step in my shoes and you would not be walking the mile..... my family do not really want me either .. my sister will be with her dad and hubby and son and probably her father in law.. my brother with his mum and her partner etc.... so you see wherever i go i am excluded . so am left with myself up here waiting for the day something changes but i know it never will ...... am not a bad house guest ... in fact am not a bad friend .. in fact i think i have gone the extra mile in most cases where people are concerned but i never get the most informal invite.. like him " football man" i wish i never knew him because then i would have nothing to compare my miserable lonely life to :-) xxx
psychicprayer psychicprayer
36-40
3 Responses Dec 6, 2012

ha ha yes of course thats difficult without money and people.....and of course i have many interests to "busy" me i just need a little more am not designed to live in this modern world .x

thats thought provoking enduser .. care more about life? i have never thought about it from that perspective... x

You are not going to have the best of times at Christmas; easy for me to say, but maybe you would be better off not staying at home alone on Christmas day. Some people I know will be busy all day at centre in Newcastle upon Tyne where they feed the homeless and the lonely etc. It gets them through what be an otherwise depressing day for them, and it helps others out too. Salvation Army would point you in the right direction as would the City Council.
Don`t think that I won`t be thinking about you, or that I am making light of your situation; I do think that you would be better off helping out somewhere than staying on your own.