No Need For Me To Exist

I'm terribly lonely. And it hurts so bad every second of the day. I'm twenty eight years old and I have two children an almost three year old and a three month old. For now, I am a stay at home mom, but I am currently looking for a job. M boyfriend leaves for work at 5:30 and he doesn't get back until 6:30 at night, sometimes later. I'm stuck in the house all day with the kids. I have no money, no car. My boyfriend doesn't even call to check on me during the day. I don't understand how I can miss him so much during the day and he doesn't even seem to think about me. I try to spend time with him when he comes home, but that seems to annoy him. He would rather watch football and play madden. So, i've been trying not to be so clingy. But, I have no one. I find myself just randomly crying for no reason. I just want someone to talk to, someone who wants to spend time with me. I try so hard at everything. I try to be the perfect girlfriend, and the perfect mother, and daughter and sister and friend. But I always seem to fall short and no one seems to care about me. No one even calls to ask me how I am doing (I moved from ny to dc a couple of years ago to be with my boyfriend). And when they do call it is just to ask how the kids are doing. I didn't stop being a person when I became a mother. I just don't understand how I can try to be everything to everyone and wind up meaning nothing to anyone. I want to be loved and adored and come first in someone's life. I need a friend. I feel like if i dropped off the face of the earth it wouldn't matter to anyone.
berry198 berry198
26-30, F
1 Response Dec 6, 2012

It would matter to your kids. Always remember that.