Rough childhood. Quiet rough at that. Had to go through separation from birth parents to the ones who raised me and then back to the birth parents. The to and fro didn't help. Couldn't attach myself to anyone. Grew up blaming. Parents' marriage went down the ditcher and so did my world. With a selfish sociopathic pimp and serial cheater + domestically violent *** as a father who never wanted to see my face. And a mother too stupid to believe he still cared for the kids, they didn't know the night my world crashed over me. A family member was indecent. Happened a lot more than once. And then turns out that 80 percent of the men i came across were pretty foul and soulless. Hard luck. Alienated at school as a child. Started working early. Failed a major relationship. Felt love and then lost it. Adult now. Still trying to find a way through and it just wouldn't happen.
Holding back sobs
I just wish I wasn't this lonely.
I don't want to speak to many people anymore because at the end of the day I prefer them away. Can't trust at all. Relationships seem futile. Because I have this creepy belief that they are bound to end. Failed a bunch of times at so much cause of the dysfunctional "family" I have.
But I don't know I also don't wanna be sitting up in bed late wondering why I'm even here anymore.
Tell me what to do. It hurts real bad
Now that I've acknowledged the fact that I'm lonely.
And I don't wanna feel this way.
Nooodles Nooodles
18-21, F
2 Responses Dec 7, 2012

i second that.

ThankYou so much

I am sorry you feel this way Noodles. I know how a bad experience like that can leave a person. However you are not alone and in time you will find and make real relationships that will be lasting. It may not seem like that right now, but don't give up. And if you need ever someone to talk to about anything, fill free to message me. Its not a bother, every one deserves to have an ear to vent to.

I'll hang on. I'll respect the fact that you have taken the time to get back and let me know so.
Thank you
Means the world to me