I'm Empty And Aching And I Don't Know Why

That's a lyric from the Simon & Garfunkel song "Look for America." The whole verse goes as follows - "Kathy, I'm lost," I said, thought I knew she was sleeping. "I'm empty and aching and I don't know why."

However I know why I am empty and aching, it's because I'm lonely. I am a single father and while I have the love of my son as well as his company, I am so desperately lonely I am rapidly going crazy. I keep it together for his sake but as of late I question whether or not I can continue the facade. I do not have the luxury to get out because his mother is very unavailable for him and he is still not old enough to leave in the evenings for me to go out. Dating sites are passe and only serve to further frustrate my endeavor to quell the loneliness I feel. Compounding things is a layoff from my job, being behind on all my bills and having to struggle to give my son some semblance of a Christmas. I use to disdain older people or those who were alone, as they always looked for a way to start conversation with anyone they came across and now I find myself doing the same thing. I've become that creepy person I so did not want to become. I yearn for love in my life and it is such a strong desire I find myself trying too hard to make it happen. I know I need to let it go and let it come my way, but I cannot. I have always been somewhat of a loner anyway and now it has come back to haunt me. I have acquaintances, but no friends and sadly no family close enough to interact with. I have no sounding board, no safety net, nothing. I'm at wits end and need something to break; go my way, etc. Venting helps but its not a cure all.
sdbttrue sdbttrue
41-45, M
1 Response Dec 7, 2012

I am going through the same loneliness..and can say that it hurts a lot....
Though surrounded by everyone,can have even a single person to talk heart out.
But you seems to be really strong,and its so touching that you are trying it best for your son.Really tough...
You are a strong person,please keep trying,do not loose yourself in this cruel world.