This One's For You

Where are you? Where have you been? If you could see me now, what would you say? It doesn't matter anymore, I just want you to be happy. I didn't deserve you, there are many things in this life that I don't deserve, I just wish I could have been better. I wish I could have treated you better. Looking back now I would have done a lot of things differently, but most of all I wish I could have been stronger for you.... I dream about you all the time, and think about you every day. Many nights a lie awake thinking about you and I can't sleep because the memories hurt. And when I finally fall asleep my dreams of you attack me. There is no comfort anywhere, there is no where to go, no one to talk to anymore. All of this is played in loops till it's madness in my head.... There are days where I can brush it off for the day put on my mask so no one would know that I have been hurting, but there are more days where I wish I did not live. I don't want to live, not because I don't have you anymore, but because I will never love or be loved by anyone like you. And even if they could, my heart would not let them. I don't want to live because I will never find a love like you again... and when I die, if there was a time that I could go back an live in forever it would be with you back in high school where we talked for hours or in the back of my truck looking at the stars or watching the sun go down over the water on the lagoon, but most of all... all I want is to be back in your arms again, I could live forever knowing that I was safe, secure, and loved by you. Those were my best times.... There is a hole that can never be filled, a void that can never be closed. It is my consequence for hurting the person I loved most over anything. And it is a burden I will carry for the rest of my life. No matter where you go, or what you do, I will always be wondering about you.
Forest99 Forest99
18-21, M
Dec 13, 2012