Don't Know What To Do.
I don't know what I hope will come of this or even why I'm doing it really. Talking never really solves anything it seems. I don't even expect anyone to read this or care really. I guess I'm just writing this as a way for me to get it off my chest. It's almost Christmas and I'm sitting here in my house alone, looking at the tree I put up that no one will see but me. My family lives in another state and the person I moved here for has put me strongly in the friend zone. It wasn't always like that but now it is. The sad thing is I try to go out and meet people but they are either fake or I just have no interest and all I can think about is how much I want to be with him. I've tried to be a good friend even though it hurts a lot to just be friends knowing how much I want to be with him. I just can't seem to move on. It doesn't help he's my best friend and one of the only friends I have here. That doesn't matter though. The whole point is I wish he was here and I could be with him but I do good to get him to answer a text message. So instead I'm sitting here alone as I have been for the past 4 days. No one has called or come by. Makes me really wonder what's wrong with me and why I can't have what seems to come so easy to other people. I'm so tired of being alone and having no one. I'm sad and the thought of spending Christmas alone is just so discouraging I can't stop crying. And nothing I do is making it better. It seems like it just won't end and it's just going to stretch on and on. I've tried to resign myself to being alone and just accept the fact that maybe some people aren't meant to find someone and I'm one of those people. I've filled my life with schooling and a career and other things but it doesn't fill the void I have. I fear the only one who can feel that void is the one person who's not here. Wtf is wrong with me? I just don't know what to do anymore.