I Am Lonely
I have felt lonely all my life. My parents are still together, and I have a brother and sister, but I rarely speak to them. They live on the other side of the country, but we hardly even talk on the phone. My childhood was a bit troubled, because my brother was violent towards me and my sister. My mother suffers from chronic depression, and my father was always at work. People were never emotionally available to me, and that's something I've internalized.
I got into a relationship at 22, with my current husband. Before we met, I was very depressed and self-harming. But I got treatment for that and when we met, I had just been cured.
It was my first true relationship, and in the beginning it was so wonderful. I was the center of attention! I felt so loved! And then... I started having anxiety attacks. There were a few times when I truly believed I would die. It was the start of a very difficult time for our relationship. But after 11 years, we're still together.
My husband made a career switch early in the relationship, from working in a grocery store to becoming a talented artist, who is now on the verge of a breakthrough. A few years ago we found out he has ADHD, and we know a lot of our relationship problems stem from his inattention. He's constantly so incredibly distracted. To me it feels that everybody is more interesting than I am. I am left to beg for his attention. I feel like I have to compete with all these women who want his attention, because he's some interesting artist.
I know he loves me, and I love him, but having to beg for attention makes me feel very unloved, unwanted and very very lonely. Again.
I don't have a family or any friends I can share this with. I work full-time, my co-workers are friendly, but they're not my friends. I also study (distance education), but my fellow students of course all have their own lives, and most of them don't live nearby.
I am just left feeling that I have nothing worthwhile to offer. I've always managed to get by on my own. I am financially independent, so I could leave this relationship if I wanted to. But this loneliness is killing me.
PS. If there are some spelling and grammar errors: my native language isn't English, so that's why.
I got into a relationship at 22, with my current husband. Before we met, I was very depressed and self-harming. But I got treatment for that and when we met, I had just been cured.
It was my first true relationship, and in the beginning it was so wonderful. I was the center of attention! I felt so loved! And then... I started having anxiety attacks. There were a few times when I truly believed I would die. It was the start of a very difficult time for our relationship. But after 11 years, we're still together.
My husband made a career switch early in the relationship, from working in a grocery store to becoming a talented artist, who is now on the verge of a breakthrough. A few years ago we found out he has ADHD, and we know a lot of our relationship problems stem from his inattention. He's constantly so incredibly distracted. To me it feels that everybody is more interesting than I am. I am left to beg for his attention. I feel like I have to compete with all these women who want his attention, because he's some interesting artist.
I know he loves me, and I love him, but having to beg for attention makes me feel very unloved, unwanted and very very lonely. Again.
I don't have a family or any friends I can share this with. I work full-time, my co-workers are friendly, but they're not my friends. I also study (distance education), but my fellow students of course all have their own lives, and most of them don't live nearby.
I am just left feeling that I have nothing worthwhile to offer. I've always managed to get by on my own. I am financially independent, so I could leave this relationship if I wanted to. But this loneliness is killing me.
PS. If there are some spelling and grammar errors: my native language isn't English, so that's why.
By:
miserabelle
Age:
31-35
,
Female
