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Christmas Is A Lonely Time For Some...

Hey,

I hate this time of year. Families getting together and people seeing all their friends. I have none of that and never really have. My family don't speak because of a big fall out, so I only have my mum and dad. I have a housemate who I have lived with for 5 years, and we get along ok, but I can't help but feel very lonely indeed.

Like a lot of people, I feel I am bubbly, smiley, friendly and warm. I do a lot for people, but rarely get anything in return. I did make a best friend last year, but she has now made friends with somebody else and everything changed.

I have never had too much of an issue with my loneliness because I was in a relationship, but now I have been single for 2 years and I feel it is really getting to me. I have tried online dating, but I have gotten nowhere.

Let me give you an example of things which have upset me in the last week alone

1) last monday my "best friend"s cat got run over. I was upset too and offered to go round there and help deal with it, even thought I love animals and would have found it very upsetting. i called the vert to arrange a cremation, but they said it would cost £50. I called my friend back to tell her, and she said maybe we should bury the cat. I asked where, and she said "I DONT F**KING KNOW, I DIDNT WAKE UP THIS MORNING PLANNING ON BURYING MY CAT" so I stayed calm and said "I know hun, I just meant because you dont have a garden" she replied "DONT YOU THINK I F**KING REALISE THIS" and hung up on me. I called her back and her friend answered and I explained that I was trying my best to help but it wasnt my fault the cat has passed away. She agreed and said I should go round anyway. But a few minutes later my friend text me and said "don't f**king bother" - I really cant see what I did wrong in this situation. I have been there for my friend none stop, I left work heartbroken she she had a miscarriage, I have taken her to job interviews when she had no car, and although she has apologised, this is how I am repaid.

2) on Tuesday a male friend invited me to his house to watch some DVDs. I bought some pop and chocolate to take round.He text me before I went and offered me to cuddle in bed with him, which was not what I had in mind, he was strictly a friend. I politely declined, making a joke that he had plenty of ladies who would jump at his offer. I asked what time I should go to see him and he never replied, and has not been in touch with me since.

3) On wednesday I text a man I had been on a couple of dates with to apolgise that I could not meet him as planned, as work had given me a shift which conflicted with our plans. He told me "my heart obviously wasnt in it" and when I protested that I would like to meet him, but cant help my work schedule, he said he found me boring, unattractive and a "bit of a knob" - only a couple of days earlier he was saying how much he enjoyed my company.

4) on Christmas eve I met a friend for some drinks to celebrate. I had text about 10 people but only one came. Others had arranged to go to the pub already but of course, had not invited me. Anyway I got quite drunk on Christmas Eve but had a fun night. I checked my texts yesterday and it seems I got separated from my friend, as she had text me asking where I was. I had replied that I was upstairs in the nightclub and we must have found eachother again as I remember us going for food at the end of the night. But when I got home and checked facebook, about the same time as Iwas missing she had put her status as "That ******* *****, all she cares about is herself" - this is a girl who I pick up in my car, drive to the mall, to the theme park, the seaside, and back home again.

I feel like I do so much for people and get no thanks, but as soon as I do something that they slightly disapprove of, they come down on me like a ton of bricks.

I feel that I am sociable and easy to get on with, but obviously not because so many other people cant be wrong. I feel that I am used and that I might aswell just start being a d**k to people if thats what theyre gonna think of me anyway! Ive had this problem for most of my life, I just dont seem to easily make friends!

Does anyone else find they have this problem? x
kaybee23 kaybee23 22-25, F 7 Responses Dec 26, 2012

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Yes, I have the same problem.
Going through the incidents you wrote about:
1. although your friend was upset over her cat's dying, it was horrible sending you that rude text. Lashing out at you over the phone could be partly excused as a grief reaction, but sending that text was very nasty.
2.the male friend sounds like a user-you are well rid of him.
3.the man you dated a couple of times sounds awful. All of us have other commitments in our life which mean that sometimes we must postpone dates and other plans. He had no right to be so rude and nasty to you. He sounds very childish to me.
4. the friend you met on Christmas Eve sounds as if she is taking advantage of your good nature.
It does sound as though you are well rid of some unpleasant people and although you will be feeling pretty lonely as a result, hopefully you will meet others who will not take advantage of your kindness and good heart.

I think these things happen for a reason. It seems that space is being made in your life for something big, a substantial change that your old relationships would have been in the way of. Just a thought.

Space. know what you mean. Im scared to be left with nobody, and I know it'll be me whos the big bad wolf.

Yesterday i text my "best friend" asking if she had a nice christmas - no reply. So I sent it again. No reply. So before i went to bed last night I just said "have I done something to upset you? And you wonder why I hardly contact you any more".......no reply. I know it'l be me in the wrong for saying that. Ive had no thanks for the christmas presents I bought.

Girl of the world - I think sometimes we are too kind and its taken for granted. I think maybe we need to stand up for ourselves. I know if I do this I will lose my friends, but I need my dignity. I have been looking into spa breaks for new year for me and 2 friends. I text them the details about it after spending 2 hours searching the internet. I got no reply. As soon as I said "oh lets just go on a night out" I got an answer. They only want to go places where they can meet and see other people, and not just be alone with me.

I know exactly how you feel. I've been going through the same thing recently and it blows. Seems like my "friends" make me feel as though nothing is good enough. Example : I gave my friend 350.00 so he could buy his kid and friends Christmas gifts b/c he said he didn't have any money. Today he came over and complained and made smart, hurtful comments b/c I had to pay him for a pack of cigs he picked up for me in quarters, b/c that was lit the only money I had left. So I totally feel you. I hope you find real people who understand your worth and value you like they should! If you ever need a friend who doesn't want/expect anything from you, I'm here for you!

hugs

I dont feel I pretend to be someone im not. And when im in the company of others I dont feel lonely or depressed. Im in my element. I even got a second job to occupy my time to stave away depression. I dont speak to people much about how I feel, because im sure that would drive away even the people I do have. but I think i need to start sticking up for myself bit more and realise its not being a *****, its being true to myself. If someone doesnt like me anyway, i wont lose anything! x

If you have the strength to push away people that are no good for you than do it:) I must warn you thou, i did it, now i have nobody. Anyway i wish you all the best in finding the right people, people you can trust and rely on.

Maybe you attract wrong kind of people? That usually happens to me when im trying to pretend someone im not to hide my depression and loneliness.