Christmas Is A Lonely Time For Some...Hey,
I hate this time of year. Families getting together and people seeing all their friends. I have none of that and never really have. My family don't speak because of a big fall out, so I only have my mum and dad. I have a housemate who I have lived with for 5 years, and we get along ok, but I can't help but feel very lonely indeed.
Like a lot of people, I feel I am bubbly, smiley, friendly and warm. I do a lot for people, but rarely get anything in return. I did make a best friend last year, but she has now made friends with somebody else and everything changed.
I have never had too much of an issue with my loneliness because I was in a relationship, but now I have been single for 2 years and I feel it is really getting to me. I have tried online dating, but I have gotten nowhere.
Let me give you an example of things which have upset me in the last week alone
1) last monday my "best friend"s cat got run over. I was upset too and offered to go round there and help deal with it, even thought I love animals and would have found it very upsetting. i called the vert to arrange a cremation, but they said it would cost £50. I called my friend back to tell her, and she said maybe we should bury the cat. I asked where, and she said "I DONT F**KING KNOW, I DIDNT WAKE UP THIS MORNING PLANNING ON BURYING MY CAT" so I stayed calm and said "I know hun, I just meant because you dont have a garden" she replied "DONT YOU THINK I F**KING REALISE THIS" and hung up on me. I called her back and her friend answered and I explained that I was trying my best to help but it wasnt my fault the cat has passed away. She agreed and said I should go round anyway. But a few minutes later my friend text me and said "don't f**king bother" - I really cant see what I did wrong in this situation. I have been there for my friend none stop, I left work heartbroken she she had a miscarriage, I have taken her to job interviews when she had no car, and although she has apologised, this is how I am repaid.
2) on Tuesday a male friend invited me to his house to watch some DVDs. I bought some pop and chocolate to take round.He text me before I went and offered me to cuddle in bed with him, which was not what I had in mind, he was strictly a friend. I politely declined, making a joke that he had plenty of ladies who would jump at his offer. I asked what time I should go to see him and he never replied, and has not been in touch with me since.
3) On wednesday I text a man I had been on a couple of dates with to apolgise that I could not meet him as planned, as work had given me a shift which conflicted with our plans. He told me "my heart obviously wasnt in it" and when I protested that I would like to meet him, but cant help my work schedule, he said he found me boring, unattractive and a "bit of a knob" - only a couple of days earlier he was saying how much he enjoyed my company.
4) on Christmas eve I met a friend for some drinks to celebrate. I had text about 10 people but only one came. Others had arranged to go to the pub already but of course, had not invited me. Anyway I got quite drunk on Christmas Eve but had a fun night. I checked my texts yesterday and it seems I got separated from my friend, as she had text me asking where I was. I had replied that I was upstairs in the nightclub and we must have found eachother again as I remember us going for food at the end of the night. But when I got home and checked facebook, about the same time as Iwas missing she had put her status as "That ******* *****, all she cares about is herself" - this is a girl who I pick up in my car, drive to the mall, to the theme park, the seaside, and back home again.
I feel like I do so much for people and get no thanks, but as soon as I do something that they slightly disapprove of, they come down on me like a ton of bricks.
I feel that I am sociable and easy to get on with, but obviously not because so many other people cant be wrong. I feel that I am used and that I might aswell just start being a d**k to people if thats what theyre gonna think of me anyway! Ive had this problem for most of my life, I just dont seem to easily make friends!
Does anyone else find they have this problem? x