No Fool Like An Old Fool

Always been a shy sort of bloke , not too confident interacting with people , I tend to withdraw from the world & enjoy people 2nd hand via books & TV .

Had a few friends when I was younger , but they all married , went their own way & lost contact over the years & I never made new ones - I suffered from Social Phobia for many years in my teens thru to my thirties , had panic attacks in social & work occassions so I avoided them , anywhere I was surounded by people or had to talk - gradually got better in mid thirties but too late - It meant the time in life that most people are out making friends & partners & learning social skills was lost to me & spent hiding . Had my 1st relationship in late thirties ( not quiet a 40 year old virgin but damn close !) , it was rocky & tenuous at best , but I figured it was better than being alone - & she figured it was better than having to pay her own rent . Lasted 5 -6 years . Ive had one fling since then ,I fell heavily for a lovely lady who threw herself at me but it ended badly in rejection & humiliation - don't want to go there again!

The Social phobia , mostly gone , but raises it's ugly head from time to time & my ridulous shyness has socially isolated me - I live alone , no friends , no partner - underneath my reserved exterior I am a warm loving gentle giving man , I long for a partner to care for , would love to have someone to share life with - but I go for long walks on my own, go to gym on my own , go to beach on my own etc etc - I don't know where to find the self esteem & confidence & to stop feeling like a reject to try & find someone - I've looked at dating sites but too gutless to try - silly old fool its too late , youve missed the bus ,who would want me any way - loser , reject , alone . Always alone . I hope I die young , better than this loneliness & feeling worthless

Freddiemalleggy Freddiemalleggy
51-55, M
1 Response Jan 5, 2013

If the bus left, run and catch up! I mean, what else is there to do?