I Feel Comfortable By Myself, But It Does Get A Bit Lonely.

Honestly, I like being by myself. There isn't anyone to judge me, make fun of me, no expectations, nothing. I can just be my true self and not have to worry constantly about what I say or do, I can be...just me.

Of course I have my close friends, ones that I care for too much. Those people I won't be able to let go, I spent a good chunk of my life with them. How could I imagine a life without them? Of course friends drift and we go our separate ways. I'm not going to let go though. You've been my friend for 11 years of my life, my best friend. I can't just let you go like that. I like you too much. I put so much effort to talk to you and it just doesn't feel the same. Things get awkward around us and I just don't know how to fix. I know I've made some mistakes and I try to fix them. Sometimes I can't hang out with you and its usually for a good reason its not like I don't want to hang out with you, I do. 

I've tried to make new friends, but its not the same. I just can't be with other people like this. They don't know me, they can't even begin to understand whats going through my mind, maybe not even you now.  I usually just spend out my time in my room letting it out. I don't need other people right? I'm use to being alone and I like it. No, ones there to hurt me and I don't need anyone to like me, right? What's even worse my other friends make me feel like you do hate me, that I make all the mistakes. But, I'm trying to fix it, I really am. I don't know what do, nothing's good enough for anyone I care for.

People think its sad that I go places myself, but I kinda like it. Gives me time to think, go in my own ideal world. But sometimes I overthink and it just leads to things getting more worse...Also, I get bored, and feel even more worse unless I have something to distract me when I am by myself. I like being by myself but I don't like feeling like this. I'm not even sure how to explain it.

I've talked you about it and it feels like the situation hasn't changed. I don't know what to do and its bothering me, now that someone else is in the picture for you, I feel more worthless than normal.



usedteabag usedteabag
18-21, F
Jan 6, 2013