I'm a very closed person. I don't like to go to people for help. Usually the only way people will ask if i'm okay is if i'm truly distraught. Lately i feel really alone. I have a boyfriend and we've been together for over a year and a half an he's awesome and really supportive. I feel fine whenever he's around, but as soon as he leave it's like a great cloud of anxiety rips though me and i don't know what to do with myself. I often feel as if i have no friends and in the future i will live all alone and that scares me. I'm a biology major, and want to get into vet school, but i truly don't believe that i'm smart enough to get into school. Therefore i feel as if i will fail school, not be able to earn any money, and therefore become depressed because of this. But maybe i should just face reality and admit that i'm already depressed. I often think " i can kill myself now" and that gives me some small comfort because i know that i have a way out. I just don't know what to do. I think im depressed because i'm so lonely. But i don't know how to really get over being lonely....
diosanina diosanina
18-21, F
3 Responses Jan 6, 2013

I can relate. I have a boyfriend that I've been with for a while, and when he's around, everything feels ok. But we live away from each other and only see each other about one a week, so as soon as I go back home or he does, I feel like my whole world might come crashing down. I've often thought to myself that maybe suicide isn't all bad, that at least I won't have to wake up every day feeling this disconnected.

sorry few mistakes in my typing, I am very tired.

Well you are probably too dependent on your partner. It seems that it is a good relationship. so that is good. However you have to learn to be alone too. It is not a bad think, you want to a vet, do a search on the subject and get started. It seems you project negative events ( you will fail, you will be alone). Do not think like that. Do not be scared. You decided what you want to be, go for it, you can do anything you want if you put your mind into it. If you have suffer from clyinical depression you will have to deal with that by a counsellor, a professional. But maybe it is not too serious, I think you are just a little bit insecure and maybe you have issues with your confidence. Many of people experience that, you are not alone. Start your school and believe in yourself. You can do whatever you want.

It's not that i'm too dependent on my boyfriend, it's that i get great anxiety when anyone leaves. I just really dislike being anywhere by myself. As long as someone is in my house with me, i feel fine even if i'm not actually hanging out with them.