It Always Comes Back At Night

I've been lonely since 2001. That's the year I graduated high school. All of a sudden my "friends" were gone and I was in college surrounded by people I didn't know and couldn't seem to make a meaningful connection with.

I've dated and had a few boyfriends over the years but it was because of boredom not due to any real feelings on my part. I've had some enjoyable interactions with clients, coworkers, and classmates over the years but they were all shallow.

Now that I'm almost 30, I feel so sad that I don't have any friends other than my sister. Thank God for her, otherwise I'd be completely alone.

I feel like almost everyone I've known has let me down. The last person I opened up to let me down completely. I think I was in love with him. I've never had such intense and scary feelings before. And that's all over too.

I keep wondering what is so wrong about me that prevents anyone from wanting to truly get to know me. What is so different about me that I can't inspire loyalty? Am I destined to be alone?

I feel so lonely at times that its hard to breathe. I feel this deep, aching loneliness inside me. I feel hollow and empty inside. Like there's a big gaping hole at my center.

During the day I have to smile and pretend I'm happy. Pretend that I'm just like everyone else when I know that I'm not. I'm empty inside. No matter how happy I am during the day it always comes back at night.
trulove2011 trulove2011
26-30, F
3 Responses Jan 7, 2013

Loneliness can be difficult and appear to be an insurmountable mountain to climb. My suggestion is that you attempt to find your internal happiness then you will be able to attract the right person for you, and fullfill your relationship requirements.


All the best to you

I understand totally! Im dealing with the same thing. Especially with college. How did you cope?
If you'd like to...can we be friends? not to just add numbers, but to help one another. I don;t mind listening.

College was difficult. I eventually got counseling which made it a lot easier. I world suggest counseling and being confident enough to be ok with hanging by yourself. I'm proud to say I got an AA and a BS

I don't mind the whole lone wolf role, it's just that i really want a gf. and so far, im guessing the don't like independent guys...

What you've described doesn't sound like the behavior of a professional counselor. Is it possible that your perception is just in your mind? When you're feeling down its easy to project negative feelings and emotions onto others.

I know exactly how you feel :(