I'm Tired

Lately I've been feeling like a shinking ship slowly but surely going down. I feel like I'm ready to break down, but i can't. Most of fall I'm tired of being lonely, scared and hoping something better in my life will come. I play and write my own music and lately its the only thing getting me through. I used to be a big baseball playing in my area and projected to go to a divison 1 school until I hurt my arm, and everything came crashing in... Not that it really mattered, but with that came the girls, the friends and the notoriety and respect. It's weird to think that the only thing that I ever want though, was to find that someone (or a girl in my case) to spend time with, and wanted to be with me through the bad, the good, and challenging times, because no matter what came my way, I would always be happy that I had her in my life, and someone to run to. Its sad to know I used to have something like that. But life I guess has different plans, now I'm working my *** off, trying to finish college, and try to make it back into baseball somehow, but even if that doesn't work I have a good back up plan.

So in all I'm not too worried about school, or my future career, but something is missing... Call it co-dependent or whatever you want, I can handle my own, and I don't need anyone to make happy, but I can't help feeling like i'll never be truely happy, and I'll never stop feeling like I'm not okay, or something's missing. Honestly... I'm tired of being lonely, it feels like I don't have anything to life for. And I know it sounds stupid, but my biggest fear is not being able to find that someone. Once my dogs pass, along with my parents, I won't have anyone but myself. And honestly I thought about suicide, I thought about how I would hold out until my family passes and then I would off myself. I would never want to hurt them like that while they were alive.

I've lost my passion, I've lost my will and desire for life itself. I'm tired of everyone hurting, or being nasty to each other, and not caring about the other person or people we may affect in life. I'm tired of getting hurt. I'm tired of getting stepped on. I'm tired of having my kindness taken for weakness. I'm tired of hearing people say, "it will get better, you'll find the one in due time". I'm tired of feeling like I have nothing to live for these days, and no direction to follow. Honestly, I'm just tired of being alone. I know I'm not the only one out there but yet I feel like I am. I wish I had someone to talk to, someone to tell me I'm not alone...
Forest99 Forest99
18-21, M
3 Responses Jan 7, 2013

I'm here if u wanna talk :)

i know what you mean.i 'm independent and i know my future will be okay financially etc but there's a hole, a piece missing to make that future worth while.but we aren't alone in thinking that way so don't give up i'm sure you'll find some people here to talk to that will listen and understand.if you ever need someone to talk or listen just send me a message.

You're not alone!! I think you're very brave for posting something like that!! Message me if you ever get lonely.. everyone should have someone to talk to :)