I'm Scared, Anxious, And Insecure.

I admit it. I am scared. I am truly terrified of what the future holds. I am terrified of what will become of me. I am terrified of having nobody to love.

I am an 18 year old female who has never had a boyfriend. I have had potentials but I have always been put in the friend zone. I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe I'm unattractive, maybe I have no charisma.

If my friends had to describe me they would say I am funny, goofy, kind, generous and highly respectful. I always put my feet into other peoples shoes and try to see a situation in their own point of view.

Maybe I'm lonely because I am an emotional wreck. See I have a couple of girlfriends that I can call in dire need, but I really want a boyfriend. Someone I can love further than friendship. I'm not talking anything sexual here, I'm still a virgin and have high respect for myself but maybe it's just the idea of having a boyfriend that makes me happy.

Here's some of the reason why I'm probably single. Over-weight, big, too kind, too goofy, stupid, too anxious, too insecure, inpatient.. Wow seems as I have a lot of things wrong with me. I don't know why I became this way. I don't know why I became so insecure and anxious. I care a lot more to what people think about me than what I think of myself. I am my worst critic.

I am pretty successful and independent. I have my college paid for through financial aid, my own place and vehicle. I grew up with a single parent who was very poor, but worked my *** off to become who I am today.

What I learned is that money or material things doesn't bring happiness. Having someone beside you to care about and love brings you happiness. I am successful and am headed on the right track, but I am lonely, and I am sad. I am very sad. I am not that goofy girl that I show to the public, inside I am dying a little every single day. If you really knew me.....
An Ep User An EP User
1 Response Jan 9, 2013

Its funny how all jesters cry behind their masks, sorry what you said hits a little close to home. Anyways, I sincerely doubt the lack of a boyfriend is your fault for being too "X" or not being enough "X", just be you and you will attract the right guy. Sure you might not be attracting every guy from every corner but its the quality of guys that counts and not how many guys you have dated. Okay, my best friend didn't even hold hands with someone till age 20, but at that age she find the one guy who proves people have soulmates and are getting married soon. They are the happiest couple I know, boyfriend count...one, one really good one. Be patient, you deserve quality.