Missing Person

There are plenty of people around me, but I still get that feeling of being alone.

Sometimes I appreciate the loneliness. I like having quiet time to myself and not having to care about other people, but that's only on occasion. I have a family, some school friends, but there's something missing: One person who I can talk to about anything. Whether it be a best friend or a significant other, it's been so long since I've had someone make me feel special and needed.

I used to be in a much worse place. In high school my friends and I parted ways, and in my first year of college, I was a loner. Now that it's my third year of school, I've made more friends through shared interests like writing and literature. I also made friends from a support group I go to, but those friends live far away and are older than me, so I don't see them much. Actually, most of my friends are older than me, so I don't have people my age who I can relate to.

I try to act like I can live a life without a partner, but I know deep down that I'd like one. I've never been with anyone, so thinking about it is almost like an obsession. Who I am makes things difficult: Since I'm a transgender man, my body is different from most people, and I fear the rejection of others if I were to ever start dating. In other words, my future concerning relationships is uncertain, and it worries me.

I guess I'm lonely when it comes to not having people I can relate to. My friends are wonderful people, but I can't tell them about my secrets or who I truly am. The last time I had a best friend was the sixth grade. I don't know if I'll ever be in a loving relationship. That is what I consider being lonely. It's not as harsh as it used to be when I was younger, but the feeling is there.
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1 Response Jan 12, 2013

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