Ehh, Why Try..

I'm 22,a high school dropout....a smart one...I had so much potential..what happened?? I was a loner and tried to fit in..I tried so hard that I even started smoking cigarettes and weed when I was in middle school just to seem cool to the kids that constantly picked on me for being fat weird and nerdy..by high school I was a burn out..I ditched class to get high with friends that would later ditch me to go get laid or party without me...my loneliness becameworse,i turned to violence and hate,the life of a skinhead...after high school I started dating,decent looking girls too considering how fat I am..most relationships didnt work out,then I met her..she saved me from the drunk high violent hateful bastard I became...we dated for a year,then one day out.of the blue she left me for a man that has washboard abs and a better job....I was trying to better myself...after all that progress..going from a broke skinhead to a hard working man...I still.need improvement but I'm trying my hardest...she left me last month...2 days after our one year anniversary,2 weeks before my birthday...she posted a picture on Christmas with her boyfriend and his family on facebook...it killed me...I've always felt lonely...she made it go away...now she's gone and its back...I know I skipped around but.its 2 am and I have work in 3 hours...I cant eat,sleep,think right without her...sigh...my antisocial lifestyle doesnt help...but the.only friends I have are my skinhead friends (who I need to stay away from to avoid slipping into that drunken violent hateful lifestyle) and.my estranged best friend who talks to me on occasion...it hurts....he once knew how It felt to be lonely,we used to be weird loner nerds together...now he's a cool raver kid that barely has time for a good friend of 17 years...idk,I feel.miserable without her..she was my light in darkness.....im going.to bed...if I can sleep...
jk1290 jk1290
22-25, M
2 Responses Jan 13, 2013

I try,no matter how lonely or depressed I feel I neverletmyself give up,I've contemplated suicide plenty of times when I was younger...but something kept me going,something kept me from doing something terrible to myself

i'm in a similar situation. i went straight to work after highschool while everyone went to college and lost a lot of connections because of it. i only had my one friend where we would be loners forever as we would say. now she has tons of friends, a boyfriend and will only talk to me once a month.it really gets to me and makes me feel so alone.but i can't imagine how it would be too have a broken heart on top of that.i hope the best for you and don't let the loneliness take so much hold of you.the biggest mistake i did was spend too much time alone with my thoughts.take it day by day and do simple things that stimulate your mind also exercising(even if it's just a small walk) as much as it is said, it really does help.