Women Cause My Loneliness!

Hello to all who read this

Caution: IF you so dare, you will read a tale filled with anger, irritation, depression, and a "woe is me" type attitude! Proceed with caution!

I'm Joel - I'm 5'5" and am single! You may even be able to see my picture when you clicked on this "article". I do not think of myself as an ugly duckling but I also don't think of myself as a Brad Pitt or something like that! I'm an average, decent looking guy! I'm stocky but have recently gained some weight to being dumped 7-8 months ago and am still depressed/angry/bitter over that! But still - not terribly obese!

Who am I? I am a non-smoker/non-drug user college educated Christian who is beginning to lose his faith! Personality-wise I'm an introvert, genuine, friendly, laid-back, realistic, trustworthy, honest, open, and willing to communicate my feelings whether negative or positive! Again - being Christian, my morals, ethics, behavior (most of it - I do have my pitfalls which you will see later on) is derived from the virtues laid down by God in the Bible! I am analytical, skeptical, detail-oriented, hardworker, opinionated (based on observation, the Bible, & facts) - I believe science & Christianity can co-exist in harmony, independent-minded, financially savvy - I am a good saver of money. I am respectful to others and expect the same back! Lastly - I have a very high sex drive!
Things I enjoy: I enjoy adventures (whatever that entails), playing football or volleyball, watching movies, learning new things, reading (from time to time), listening to music, going on trips - esp. to beach. I love animals but am more of a cat person - 99.99% cat person!

Soooo - based upon what I've written- am I not lovable? Am I ugly? Am I too short? Am I too boring? My friends are all married or have girlfriends of their own and I don't see them at all or they're hanging out with other couples! I'm the only one single and alone in all respects of that word! No one in my church is available - it's either my sister or her roommate (whom I dated once before)! All of my co-workers are married and the average age is 52! WTF!

I'm just utterly irritated and angry at WOMEN who think that they won't date a guy who is 5'5" and they are smaller than him! WTF ladies! Who would you rather want: a guy who is short but has a great personality or a guy who is tall and very attractive but personality is not there? Hmmm? I don't get you I'm pissed because after years of "searching" I am unable to attract really anyone! No one is really giving me a chance! The ones I seem to attract are bigger girls that have a few kids already! (Rant: Which by the way ****** me off even more - ladies, if you're going to have sex be on birth control! Stop having kids without being married! I find girls I'm attracted to only to find they have a kid! That's it I'm done with single moms (I dated 2 girls who had kids - not for me yet because I learned a valuable lesson - the male is never the woman's first love EVER in that relationship - the kid is! I want a woman to love me like no other before we have kids). I'm not seeking perfection but I am seeking a girl who is very similar to me: non-smoker, non-drug user, college educated, takes care of themselves - a little thickness (average but not bbw) is okay but not a blob, no kids, has a high sex drive, and a Christian! Is it that hard for you girls to fall in love with things that matter? I'm fed up, angry, bitter, saddened, horny, and lonely!

I've been on just about every main dating site - most girls can't seem to get past a guy's height! To me, if I'm taller than you - I get a chance to be that guy but nope you don't give me that chance because for some reason you must have a tall guy! I find it to be true, women have more power in online dating than men. Men are dime a dozen!

I will say this, even though I am Christian, I am this mad to say it: **** ALL of YOU WOMEN! You say a guy is a "nice guy" yet is undatable? I understand if there is no chemistry but if he's somewhat attractive, has a great personality, and does his best to be a great boyfriend: listens, communicates, romantic, flirts with only you, pays attention, etc - give him a chance! Obviously, I'm not worth your time for some reason and I don't know why! No wonder there are some men who rape women or go on rampages against women - it's because you isolate us, reject us without thought, and refuse to love us! Now, do I suggest going out doing those things - NOOOOO! However, I can see why it occurs! But then again, you do have some just deranged men out there who do it for sport.

I want to have fun and enjoy myself but I can't because all things I want to do - people suggest having a partner for! I want to travel/hike but am discouraged by family since no one else is able to go! I can't play in sports because being short is shunned practically! My church has no one unless you're with teens or with married couples who have kids! I have dated long distance as well - it can work but I find women are less able to handle distance than a man!

Troll1014 Troll1014
26-30, M
2 Responses Jan 13, 2013

Well I guess I was referring to the expectations of dating a mom. Honestly Troll, I was in your position before I had my daughter with my boyfriend. He had a daughter already. She was already 2 when we started seeing each other and I he lived in the same complex as I did for like a year after she was born. We never really talked but I had known he had a kid and when we first got together the love sparked and it was all great, But I felt exactly like you did. Like our relationship was being held back in a way, because not only did he put his child first and we had to work everything around that, but he also had to respect his baby's mother. Which really made our relationship go down hill after we started getting more involved the more I was around and the more I just wanted that "US" in the realationship, but realized we could only have "US" when it wasn't intervening to much into his parenthood and stuff. The fact the he listened to his baby's mother and talked to her all the time to communicate as parents and she would call so much. Idk. I got jealous, I guess I just expected too much or didn't really know what I was getting into, cuz I never been through it before. It all made me jealous, it made us argue, he started getting physically abusive. Overall, it wasn't how I imagined it. Now that we have a kid.. It still isn't how I imagined it, haveing my first child with someone, I don't know. I'm not sure I was cut out for this positition. Having a kid with someone who has been there before, and maybe, the way it sounds is that if you feel this way and you can relate to this in one way or another, then it most likely isn't right for you either. You should just stick to women with no children. Or the two of you wont be having that same wonderful experience together. It will still be different. SAVE YOURSELF..j/k..lol

I am not trying to be mean. I understand where you are comming from. I don't think people should judge you on being 5'5", you seem like a nice guy and have a lot going for you, but with saying that.. I must also say that as a mom I am kind of offended by what what you said about single mothers and them loving their children more than you. Is that not judging? Is that not just as bad as people judging you for being 5'5"? It is the same, is it not? I am not writting to criticize you. I am writting you because I read your story thinking I might be able to relate. I am not Mother Theresa, I am not "one who knows all", I am no better than you. Whether you decide to take this advice or not.. I thought that maybe since you posted this you were looking for some type of response. So here is mine to you.. Maybe, it wouldn't hurt to try and rearrange your expectations of people. First hand, It is a little selfish to think that any good parent would put or love someone else before their child. Maybe you don't know this yet, because you aren't a parent.. but you must know that this is how it is and should be. If the parent put anyone else or loved anyone else above their children.. then there is something honestly wrong. You wouldn't want to be with a person like that, because their priorities are seriously messed up. It might suck, but you should just admire that person that much more. It means that they are doing what they should be as a parent. It is actually a very excelent and normal qualit, but at the same time.. atleast you know that you want to be someones first in that aspect. But, you should at least respect the other mothers that think of their child first. You know. I am not being hateful. Just trying to bring some perspective in as a parent.. you know?

I appreciate your perspective YoungNLonely. You are right, a parent's duty is to love their children first, at least it should be. I was stating a fact - a man becomes second rate to a mother's children. And, what I find true is that the richness of the relationship between a guy and a single mother is not as fulfilling as it ought to be. A guy's dating relationship is then centered around the children and doing activities with them rather than with the mother. It's not wrong or right but doing those activities ought to be reserved for husband/wife because the love is already established! Raising children and role of man in the existing family and custody issues all become part of the equation - also, what about having more children? He wants 2 of his own and you have 2 already? It becomes: how does the guy fit into the "family rather than the love between guy & girl with the hopes of having a family one day.

You say I must rearrange my expectations of others - you may be right, I'm quite the perfectionist and hold myself and others to a high standard. What expectations were you referring to?