First Time I Think.

I believe through my 15 years of loneliness, tonight is the first time I actually want, need and dying to reach out. I am so alone, I can't stand it. It's my first time to be unable to hold not to shout I'm so lonely I need someone right now to talk with and hold me close instead of me venting on a post. Maybe this has to do with the Abandonment of someone I truly cared for for the first time in my life, he left me five days ago..

Surprisingly, I'm not breaking down or anything because of this loneliness tonight. Perhaps Ive been this hollow long enough to learn to shut out emotions.

Right now, I want someone so badly that it's as though I'm desiring to survive while on the verge of death.

Does anyone understand what I mean? ;(

I'm so lost ..this labyrinth is hard to cross..
KuroBara KuroBara
18-21, F
3 Responses Jan 15, 2013

I have days when I feel that way. It ebbs and it flows.

Yeah true. But it's doesnt ebb

It does get better. I've been where you are and although I am prone to feeling lonely, it passes. I find making myself be around others can help. I volunteer which can be an incredible experience because it gets you out of your own head and helping others who need it.

It does get better. Sure. But when? When I was a child. I fought, I stayed strong, regardless of the countless sadness, isolation, rejection, objection, I never stopped smiling, be cheery, I tried to keep being optimistic. How "much" failures do you think it'd take to break a child with a gentle soul ? How " much" failures do you think it'd take to break a teenager's motivation.

Such white lies I tell myself. It'll get better. So when? Until the day I die?

even now, I still try to be happy. But it's futile. Ill let myself decide when to be happy.

Do you understand?

It's not like I've been a pessimist. But optimism now pains my heart.

You are not alone

I suppose..but I'm just desperate now