Just In The Mood To Share

I have been lonely, or at the very least solitary, for many years now. I don't always feel the weight of it, I must say. Sometimes I just don't even realize and go on with my own business, but there are days in which it really feels quite bad.

I'm 22 and have no real friends. The only people that I could consider as friends live in other countries and I have last met one of them over a year ago. I haven't spent time with fellow students at university in over a month and never out of didactic activities anyways, in about a year. I know it is not normal to be this solitary at my age, being a student and all, but this is just how it is for me.

I take 2 hours to reach my university every day, as I live pretty far away and cannot afford to get a room for rent. Because of this, it is hard to ever spend extra time there as it would get too late to take public transportation home. I hardly ever get invited to events but if I do, it would usually be too complicated for me to go. In the whole of the past 3-4 years I've had maybe 100 lunches out with classmates in total. If that, even. The last one of them being months and months ago.

I don't know anyone I'd be very interested in spending time with who lives near me, so it doesn't feel like I am being rejected by someone who is already there. I just can't find anyone who is similar to me and also interested in being friends. I am a very loyal friend and I am dedicated, helpful, always available to talk. I consider myself intelligent and funny, too. I used to have friends in the past, when I was younger (though never really close friends) and I know they enjoyed my company, so I am sure that I am not that unpleasant to be around. I am not insecure about not being good enough to be somebody's friend, I just feel out of place everywhere. I don't enjoy the normal activities people my age enjoy. I don't like partying hard or getting drunk every weekend.

Whatever the reasons, the end result is that I have nobody around. I don't have anyone to call up when I want to go shopping, I don't have anyone to chat with when I just want to have company over. My only sources of human connection aside from my mom (whom I live with) are online. I do have a boyfriend, who sadly lives very far away from me and I am only able to see him every few (or many) months, so I can only communicate with him virtually until I see him again.

I consider myself lucky for having a home, a family, a boyfriend (even if that far away), enough money to live a comfortable life and get an education. I do realize I have all these amazing opportunities to just enjoy myself and read books, watch movies, play games, visit places. I just miss people to share that with. I don't usually dwell on this because I feel like I am asking for too much if I also want friends, but I do wish there was someone out there who can just be there for me every once in a while. To go grab a bite and watch a movie, or some normal ordinary activity like that.

I'm sorry for all of you guys who are also in this group and feel lonely as I do, and I hope you guys have better days and that the future ahead will grant us the possibility to make good friends and be able to share more.

Thanks for reading :)
Priskitteh Priskitteh
22-25, F
1 Response Jan 15, 2013

I'm 22 too and I don't have close friends, just groupmates. I'm in good relationships with them, sometimes we go to cafes and bars and it's really fun to be with them. But something is missing. Something true and deep. Ok, whatever, I'm used to my own company and I've learnt to communicate with my diary instead of people :)
I hope things will change for us some day.