No One Knows

This is my first post i'll be writing in this group.. Well i lost all my friends because i moved my house every 6 months since childhood so what i only have is my mom. I moved around the World many times that i lost phase of myself at some point. Eventually my mental became quite weird. I didn't used to but i started to have a fetish towards something nobody would understand and weird thoughts in my head.. It's quite brief but past months, i've only stayed in my room all day...

Yes, i shut the World off from me and now, i feel dead. You know the saying that 'eyes look dead'? My eyes feel dead and my body isn't working properly. I don't eat much and i don't sleep well.. I don't speak anything all day if my mom is out but even she's near, i don't speak much.

I've been thinking about suicide since my highschool is almost over (i'm currently in vacation) and college is about to start. It's really hard and stressful to live in a country where education is not optional. I live in Asia but my mind and thoughts belongs to Western culture. I don't fit well with my people.

I've been thinking to suicide by carbon monoxide since it's the mildest way to die... Since i don't have a car, i've been searching ways to use house gas.. In the past, when i thought or talked about this, i felt wrong but now, i feel right. I guess i'm ready for it..

An Ep User An EP User
Jan 17, 2013