My Fatal Flaw

I live a life that others envy. I see the looks my friends give me behind my back.

Physically I am pretty to others. Many fall in love with me. I have short black hair with red tips that compliment my gold eyes. I have size 12F boobs. Thats way bigger than most my age. I could have any man or woman I wanted if I really tried.

My living conditions are ideal. Completely on my own from 18 years. A freedom many would kill for.

My finances are great. If I choose to I could retire and live well off. But thats not my way so I keep working. Many don't understand that. I don't even have expensive stuff.

But emotionally I'm constantly lonely. I crave others touch and affection yet am scared of it. Of what it means. I wouldn't know what love was if it was right infront of me. This prince seeks his princess to complete his life. His perfection. Only then will others have a right to jealousy coz it is not all perfect.

Though I am thankful. No flames please. No offense intended. If you really know me you wouldn't say I was boasting or flaunting my self.

drakneko drakneko
22-25, T
1 Response Jan 18, 2013

I can relate... My family is very wealthy, I live in a huge house, I have every pet I've ever wanted, I have an extremely nice car for my age and its all thanks to my parents. I'm not some drop-dead gorgeous girl, but I have pretty eyes, a nice smile, and a "sexy voice". I have tons of friends, yet no best friends. I don't spend my weekends partying or hanging out with friends as most think I do. And I've realized it's because even though money can buy you a friend, it can't buy you a best friend. I don't gloat my wealth at all, but people know I'm well off. I feel like people are only my friends because I am wealthy. No one has ever even tried to get to know me because once they find out I'm rich they judge me. My parents are never home, and my brother plays ever sport known to man so he is never home. I'm alone 60% of the day.
I'm thankful to be blessed with all that I am, but sometimes, just sometimes I wish I wasn't. I wish I had to work for a friendship and they weren't just "bought" for me. But I haven't lost hope. I believe that someday I will find someone who accepts me and is willing to really get to know the real me. But until then I just keep that smile on my face even though I'm frowning on the inside.

The thing I struggle with is who can be trusted. I make it no secret that I have money because thats who I am. Honest to the point of bitchy. How do I tell if i'm being used by those around me so that one day I write them in my will?

I can be your friend. I wouldn't judge nor would I use you for money as I don't need to do either.

I would love to be your friend. And it is fine that you show off your money. Now that I think about it, we all do. As we carry around our coach purses wearing our Juicy sunglasses and Miss Me jeans. I have to buy name brand. No questions asked. and its because I want people to see that I'm not some poor person living on the side of the road.
And I literally look at people now and ask myself if they are trustworthy. Most of the time I want to say yes, but I have to say no. People are evil and greedy. Thats just how this messed up world is. But I have found that if you suround yourself by certain groups it is easier to find a true friend. For example, I don't know where you stand on religion, but I have gone to christian summer camps and everyone there is so much nicer and trustworthy. I also volunteer a lot and you find that the people who put themselves out there and are worthy of your friendship are those who help others. Its just an idea, but its all about expanding your horizon and trying new things. You trust is going to be broken many times, but you have to give everyone an equal chance at having it.

I try not to show off...I wear nice clothes of course but not too fancy. I don't care for brands and such. I buy non -name brand where trustworthy simply because its the same thing as branded and better value. I try trust my friends but since I have had some wealth they have become more distant. They seem to avoid me unless they want something. Some days I wonder if I can trust them and other days I feel like they are my sisters again. As far as religion goes I am cautious. I have had issues with most religious people I've met simply because I'm bi. I'd rather not risk any violence or insults. I can see how some might be trustworthy. I usually don't have time to volunteer much. I try give others a chance....

If someone was a true follower of what I think as God, then they would love everyone. God doesn't push people away because they are different, and neither should we. Some people just think they know him, but they really don't. And I have found that sometimes you have to choose one thing or another. So either wealth or your friends. And honestly if they were your true friends then they would accept you for who you are. But don't start getting mad at them and stuff because sometimes they don't know. They might think that you are too busy with your job and such to have friends. You have to prove them wrong. Make time for them so they know that you still care. Its hard and annoying when you don't know what others are thinking, thats why you always should believe that its postive and not negative

Well his followers( or those that at least proclaim so) certainly judge me regardless of what he actually thinks. I simply avoid catholics/ christians for my safety.

Yeah I plan to spend more time with them after I quit my job. Yeah I try stay positive.

I know its hard, but I would try not to think of all of us the same. I would never say that I "know God" and there are plenty of people who are far more religious than me. I don't even go to a real church, the church I go to doesnt have a priest and its known as a "feel good church". We talk more about life lessons and how to spread the word of God through our actions. I can promise you that everyone at my church accept everyone for who they are.

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