Where Do I Even Start...

I am so unhappy and I don't know why...I have the best friends, a family that's great, I am in school...but a year ago my fiance left me and I haven't been the same since. I recently got back into dating, which totally ******* sucks. I went on a few dates, I could tell they were just trying to get some, not what I am looking for. I keep telling myself it's just not the right time for me to be in a relationship. I know I should enjoy the time with myself and get to know myself and all that strong woman bullshit blah blah blah, I have done it, I know myself, I enjoy myself but **** is it so much to ask to find a good guy...I don't sleep around, I am good person, I do the right things but I just still feel alone. I just miss Chris (my ex fiance) he left me, started dating someone new and moved to a new town like it was nothing....What the hell? We had our whole life planned together. I know he cheated on me before and I should say good riddance but it's so hard. I can't get over it, I don't know why. I haven't written in a journal since I was in like 9th grade I think, now I am 24, in school living at home for the time being, I move in 2 months 3 hours away from school. I can't wait for that...I just keep hanging onto the hope that a new town will change this all for me. It just seems like on the outside I am happy and I laugh but under neath I am always just holding onto the past, it's just clinging and I am clinging and it won't go away and a part of me doesn't want it to be because that means it's really gone and over...and I am not ready to except that.I am so sad all the time. I don't want to be, I try so hard, I go out, I do things with friends, I make new friends, date, get out there, I feel like I am doing everything right but I just can't get happy. I am really ready to give up....I don't know what else to do.
cmonroe88 cmonroe88
22-25, F
1 Response Jan 20, 2013

Hhhmmm.......you could start with you. Sometimes we need to be introspective and simply take a break.

I know that, thanks. I've been doing a lot of it but sometimes it's just hard to keep moving on with it, I have really high high and really low lows...it difficult to move on some days. I have made it through the worst part but it always creeps back up on me sometimes, l yesterday. I know I'll be ok but the healing process is almost too much to take sometimes.

I want you to know, that you...... are very smart. Healing is a process ! There is a beginning, a middle, and an END !

Thank you, it means a lot to know that people I don't even know have hope. It's just really hard to stay positive. Your support means more than you could imagine.

Send me a note anytime !

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