Alone In A Croud

I wonder if anyone knows who I am.
I never thought of it much in till my ex boyfriend told me why he dumped me. He said that he didn’t know who really was. It shocked me because I felt that I had let him farther into my life than anyone other than my parents. Since hearing his reasoning just concretes the feeling I have had about my general social situation. Most people, friends included don't seem to know me at all. I always hang out in a large group of friends but I rarely talk much. It seams like im only there to listen. I don’t know how many times I’ve lent a shoulder to cry on, but I cant think of the last time someone even asked what was wrong when I cry.
When ever discussions come up, I try to talk but every time I'm to slow. My words never make it into the conversation. They are just lost, to quite or deemed unimportant. They don’t seem to understand how much it hurts, how much I want to cry every time they pass me by. The sad thing is I stay friends with them, even if they treat me like ****. I'm to afraid to be alone. I don’t want to be the looser with no friends but I feel like I'm about to break. I don’t know how much of this I can take.
FairyTwinkle FairyTwinkle
18-21, F
3 Responses Jan 21, 2013

Thank you for your reply’s.
It made me feel wonderful to finally let someone know what I feel. Just like you guys have commented I'll keep trying and do my best.

Your story gave me tears I fell for you right now! I don't know how it fells to be in love I have never been with anyone before & I have been Lonely for my life time I'm 42years young & I Am Lonely!!!

take the time to tell just one of your friends this. Particularly that you take longer than everyone to form your statements in conversation. They may not know that the conversation is blowing past your participation. Make it a goal to speak up once in a week. Then twice the next and so on. You can do it and, once heard, your voice will be easier to find each time.