A Familiar Feeling For Some, I Guess.

Even though I'm living with my family until I can find a job, I do volunteer work. I help to run a couple of groups which are socially active offline.
My life is good; I don't have to worry about my health so much, I have food, shelter, water, and warmth. My mom has three pets, which I take care of, and we're fond of each other. I'm in a wonderful relationship, too. Some people don't have this at all. For what I have in life, I'm very grateful.

And yet, with all the people I associate with through social media, I feel frustrated with myself. My dad pointed that out; at first, I denied it, citing numerous reasons. I don't have a car and I can't drive; the area where I am only has at most three buses that run during the morning and the evening, so this limits the time that I can spend in town.
I feel ashamed to say it outright that I need a ride out to do certain things if I can't take the bus, and most of the times these days, well, people tend to do things on the fly. People need gas money to do things, and I'm just too out of the way for some people to pick up. Nobody likes The Load, you know?
So, if I do get anything doing, I'll wake up at the crack of dawn to catch the bus, which takes near two hours to get into town.

You know that person some tend to avoid on FaceBook that says they feel alone? When I look at my FaceBook friends now, the feeling just gets worse. I never say anything about it, because I fear I'll be ignored by everyone.
I admit I'm afraid of being seen as this whiny person no one wants to hang with for precisely that reason.
I've even taken to looking meeting people through sites like Craigslist, even though that's a bit of crap-shoot, because I'll hardly get anything for the amount of time I spend responding to ads in both the jobs and the strictly platonic section.

I know it's a paradox. And sometimes, I feel guilty about it because I feel as though I shouldn't complain. I wasn't born sickly, or in a war-torn country, or anything of the sort, but here I am, and I'm finding myself crying at random because I don't have any friends that I physically do things with. I have plenty of online friends, especially those that live close to me that I speak with, but I want real human companionship more often than not. I don't know how to express that I feel this kind of loneliness to them.

An Ep User An EP User
Jan 21, 2013