Why So Alone

As I awaken on this particular morning , which is like any other morning, but the feeling I dread is very pronounced; more so than usual: Im so very alone.
As Im brewing the morning coffee, I think back to my younger years.
having friends was a way of life.
I have "friends". but not that special someone. Not anyone I can tell my true feelings to.
I miss so much having a girlfriend & its been so many years,,,,,
Oh, it wasnt like I was ever Mr popularity, but it was my nature to talk to people, to relate to people, to gravitate towards people.
What happened? When did I change? Why dont people talk to me anymore?
Why am I so afraid to talk to others?
I had throat cancer a couple years ago which resulted in the removal of my larynx. I now have a "button" on the front of my neck, which covers the surgical hole.
Is it the change in my appearance that keeps others away? Is that what keeps me from approaching others?
Is it the raspy voice & having to push the "button" so I can talk that keeps me distanced?
God, I just wish that there was one special person in my life.....
"The One"....
That I can say anything to.
That I can listen to.....every word. And care about every word they say..
The one to hold & be held by , and know, that at least for that time everything is alright.
Someone to unabashedly give my true & undying love to & to know the love will be returned to me.
Im a good person & feel I deserve it.
Where are you? I know you are out there somewhere.....
I wonder......will it, can it ever happen?
I cant keep everything to myself forever..........
maniac116 maniac116
1 Response Jan 21, 2013

Thank you for your story. "God, I just wish that there was one special person in my life....." Its something that I often think too. But let's not lose hope, my friend.