Understanding Loneliness.

Loneliness is something that each person goes through at some stage of their life or the other. How it affects his/her mental and physical state varies from person to person. I have been lonely myself. Rather I keep feeling lonely from time to time. At times, it gets too burdensome to bear. I fall into phases of depression. Sometimes the trigger can be something as predictable as seeing a young couple together, or something entirely crazy as seeing people giggling after bungee jumping, on TV. Sometimes there are phases of extreme and irrational self - loathing. Loneliness is what brought me to EP.

I have met many people who have felt lonely, either in real life, or online. The online community is thronged by lonely people. People perhaps find it easier to give vent to their emotions and apprehensions online than in real, active life. Well, I know, right? But people feel lonely because of a variety of reasons. A few of them could be:
1.Their beloved has left for their heavenly abode a while ago and there is no one or nothing that can replace them,
2. They have social anxiety and they cannot afford to meet people and form relationships,
3. They have been through some kind of trauma and feel apprehensions and lack of trust towards people and hence stay secluded, yet need someone to connect emotionally with,
4. They don't find people who have similar tastes and interests around them,
5. They live in a fantasy world and cannot find people who correspond to the characters in that fantasy world of theirs,
6. They feel unappreciated, uncared for and unloved because they are different from others, like belonging to the LGBT community, and others hate and/or ridicule them consistently for that.

There could be more reasons. I just listed a few. It's unfortunate when people who feel so lonely as to think of life as a burden and commit suicide. I can relate to that. I have felt suicidal myself, and pulled myself back. I wish all those whose souls Rest In Peace (and whose lives ended because of the lack of peace) had pulled themselves back as well. Life is so beautiful that the loss of it, especially when young and promising, causes darkness to descend and sadness to prevail. Some who feel lonely become violent, often destructive and sometimes psychopathic and criminal. So loneliness is a demon that needs to be beaten.

Why do I feel lonely? Perhaps I miss my good friends who are in different parts of the world, busy with their own lives and who don't have much time for me now. Perhaps the reason why I can't make new friends is, honestly, there aren't people who have similar tastes or hobbies as mine, and also because I have a bit of social anxiety. Perhaps it's because I can't find anyone to connect with emotionally. Perhaps it's because I see most gentlemen around me being loved and cared for by wonderfully devoted ladies. I don't know what the reason is. What I do know is that there is no dearth of people who love and actually care for me, because I have had dear friends, I have wonderful people in my family. Yes, I feel I am a lot luckier than many unfortunate ones out there. I know that I am partially responsible for this, because I won't go out and mix with people, because I don't see them as being on the same intellectual plane as me and cannot connect with them emotionally. Conceit? Perhaps not. So, isn't this feeling of loneliness self - inflicted? Am I merely sugar coating the fact that I fervently wish to have a lady friend to be in love with? Or am I justified in feeling lonely?

Sometimes I wish I had different avatars, ones which could connect with each lonely person I knew, emotionally, and just the way they wanted to. That would help them feel a lot better, leave me feeling satisfied and of course, would do away with my own feeling of loneliness. There would be sighs, but of happiness, not ones reflecting emptiness and sorrow. There would be smiles, but not ones to mask an inner gloom and sorrow, but to shamelessly lay bare a feeling of utter glee.

To all those my friends of mine here on EP, those who first came forward and virtually put their hand on my shoulder, listened to me and made me feel better, when I was feeling down and dejected, when I was writing things I myself feel ashamed to read now and when I was not sure why I existed, my gratitude to you is inexpressible through mere words. Still, I will just say thank you, because that's the least I can do. Just like these friends of mine, I am committed to making all lonely people feel better. Because if they feel better, I feel better, and less lonely, because I perhaps earn another friend. Thank you, friends. Thank you, EP. Thank you, humanity.
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5 Responses Jan 21, 2013

I have 2,3, and 4. I often had so much inferiority within myself I just automatically felt that no one wanted me, my company around. When I came home from hospitalization there was so much outpouring from family and friends online and off, I came to a warm realization about how lonely I'm not. Yet, I sometimes have that little hole inside where I feel I can't find my intellectual equal too..ok, not all true, I found you, but its an online meeting of the minds, not an actual and daily tete-a-tete. Again, going back to my hospitalization, I sat and watched fellow patients receive visitors; I called my mom everyday since she couldn't drive that far so she was with me in a sense. I felt a small pang seeing some with their husbands, wives or partners. On one hand, I wish I had someone special to have visited me during my stay, me getting up and joyfully greeting him, or crying and commiserating with me like one woman I saw. On the other hand, these people have someone despite what they're going through which gave me so much hope. You're a really special person in word and in deed, and its kind of crazy that you're in the world without a special lady in your life but don't give up hope, just like I won't. These days I'm not as severely preoccupied with finding a boyfriend as I'm focused on getting my life together and if he comes, that's good. My heart is open. Anyway, just keep remembering you're not alone and you aren't. Stay wonderful.

Aw I can relate to a lot of what you have expressed. 1,2,3 and 4 are the reasons for my loneliness. You write beautifully too, which I highly admire. Every one has suffered in their own way, but we all eventually find some form of happiness. Like they say what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, and in my opinion makes us all that bit more interesting. Sometimes life just happens all at once. I wish you nothing but pure happiness for your future and I hope you are in a much better place then the dark places that life can show.

Thank you so much for your kind words and wishes :)

Loneliness is a curse and aloneness is a blessing.Lonely you seek the other and in aloneness you are enough unto yourself.Seek that Aloneness and all else will be a blessing.

Wow..you pretty much said it perfectly. I've been trying so hard to describe my loneliness to people and they get quite offended, thinking that I said that I was just purely alone when it's not something I actually meant.

I'm not physically alone, I have people around me that I know that care about me and my well being, I am mentally alone. As you've said, I don't have a relationship. My ex was physically abusive ( If you read my story " Jeremy" it'll tell you everything about him ) and people told me to take time for myself and allow myself to heal before moving on to another relationship.

The problem with that is, I need that emotional support to help me through. As of right now, I know full well that I am packing it away and trying not to feel the pain and hurt of being mentally alone. I do know who I want, but everyone is telling me to wait and it's extremely hard to. It has made me secluded from others because I can't really face talking to them while I know that they're happy and loved. It makes me jealous and I don't want to come off as bitter at all.

I don't want to fight people who are happy because it's not fair of me to do, so I tend to just be by myself from now on.