I Am Lonely
If I could be granted one wish in life, it would be a "Reset" button. Because, I cannot figure out where my life went astray. And I would really like to know what egregious misdeed I committed to validate my life's current status. It has to have occurred as an infant, because I have very few happy recollections of my youth; fewer yet as I grow older. I really want to know what I did to **** off God or annoy the deities of Karma.
To the best of my knowledge, the only thing I did that could have screwed up the universe is I survived a traumatic birth. My mother informed me I was blue at birth and the doctors weren't optimistic about my chances of survival. Yet I did and, to the best of my knowledge, that is the only thing I have done to alter the parametres of the universe.
And yet, I move through life as a Pariah. I'm intelligent, but treated as stupid or slow. I was athletic and competitive, but I was never approached to join in any sports activities. I am creative and insightful, but I can't even sell myself. I have empathy and desire closeness, but I'm always viewed as cold and distant. And I'm always viewed as soft. Yet, I'm alive; which should define my strength beyond words and actions. But it doesn't.
So, I grope every evening for an answer. The bottle offers some solitude. But, eventually, the throes of loneliness overcomes the chemistry of distillation. In the end, I go to bed alone. As I have for the vast majority of my life. And I always wonder where I went wrong.
To the best of my knowledge, the only thing I did that could have screwed up the universe is I survived a traumatic birth. My mother informed me I was blue at birth and the doctors weren't optimistic about my chances of survival. Yet I did and, to the best of my knowledge, that is the only thing I have done to alter the parametres of the universe.
And yet, I move through life as a Pariah. I'm intelligent, but treated as stupid or slow. I was athletic and competitive, but I was never approached to join in any sports activities. I am creative and insightful, but I can't even sell myself. I have empathy and desire closeness, but I'm always viewed as cold and distant. And I'm always viewed as soft. Yet, I'm alive; which should define my strength beyond words and actions. But it doesn't.
So, I grope every evening for an answer. The bottle offers some solitude. But, eventually, the throes of loneliness overcomes the chemistry of distillation. In the end, I go to bed alone. As I have for the vast majority of my life. And I always wonder where I went wrong.
By:
WisersDeLux
Age:
51-55
,
Male
