I Am Lonely
We all are lonely. Not always in the moment, not always as much. But when we feel disconnected from the world in any sence, we feel lonely. Disconnected from people or the world itself. When the world dosent know or understand what is going on inside your head. You feel lonely. I think understanding is really the key to feel less lonely. But you have to feel understood. What makes you tick, what makes you work, feel that you have someone who gets you and know the real you. Anyway, to my story.
short said, I had a rough childhood. I havent felt much loved in my life, if anything really, only the recent years that I have gradually felt more loved and finaly felt like I have experienced happiness for the first time. Even if it dident last. Even if it can kinda seem like it brought me more scars in the end.
Its just importand to get that overall picture to explain my story. I think I had known this girl for 3-4months maybe. We joked a lot, had many laughs I guess. She eventually started to flirt with me really, like obviously much. Im certainly not a person who easily open up. But since she started to flirt with me I told her directly that she shouldent say.. hmm things to me like she did without really meaning. I explained to her how much of my life has been just been filled with hollow empty words from people. That the last thing I would need in my life was comfort/gestures etc that dident really mean anything. So that the sweet things she told me she had to mean. I told her this directly. That I dident want any fake caring sort of, or that she shouldent feel for me out of pity or anything like that. Either way, call me stupid perhaps, but I sure was lonely at this time. I wanted to believe her also, but after a couple of weeks, maybe a month. Since she kept going and clearly dident seem to change her mind about me, she flirted just more and more really. But as soon as I let my guard down and started to believe her words(first time ever in my life since I was a kid), she just jumped on to her next project it seems.
My wounds run deep really, but I certainly felt better then I had been in a long time after chatting/talking with this girl. So I guess in her head I was "fixed", so she moved on to the next person who needed "nursing" or whatever you wanna call it. Everytime I talked to her after this, she seem to have a new boyfriend. I havent talked to her in over a year now, but every month it seemed to be someone new. Cant really blame her I guess for being that way. In her mind she want to help/heal everyone. But what hurts the most is when I say to someone directly and spesificly what hurts me the most, people still choose to do it to me. This has been with all my relationships and many just woman in general really. If I tell them what hurts me the most, almost guaranteed they will do it towards me. Even when its not provoked in any sence.
Guess that is my life experience in many ways. People will take advantage of you if you are sad and lonely, but also at the first sign of happiness also. Cause your no longer supposed to be nuritured or cared for when you first become a little happy.
short said, I had a rough childhood. I havent felt much loved in my life, if anything really, only the recent years that I have gradually felt more loved and finaly felt like I have experienced happiness for the first time. Even if it dident last. Even if it can kinda seem like it brought me more scars in the end.
Its just importand to get that overall picture to explain my story. I think I had known this girl for 3-4months maybe. We joked a lot, had many laughs I guess. She eventually started to flirt with me really, like obviously much. Im certainly not a person who easily open up. But since she started to flirt with me I told her directly that she shouldent say.. hmm things to me like she did without really meaning. I explained to her how much of my life has been just been filled with hollow empty words from people. That the last thing I would need in my life was comfort/gestures etc that dident really mean anything. So that the sweet things she told me she had to mean. I told her this directly. That I dident want any fake caring sort of, or that she shouldent feel for me out of pity or anything like that. Either way, call me stupid perhaps, but I sure was lonely at this time. I wanted to believe her also, but after a couple of weeks, maybe a month. Since she kept going and clearly dident seem to change her mind about me, she flirted just more and more really. But as soon as I let my guard down and started to believe her words(first time ever in my life since I was a kid), she just jumped on to her next project it seems.
My wounds run deep really, but I certainly felt better then I had been in a long time after chatting/talking with this girl. So I guess in her head I was "fixed", so she moved on to the next person who needed "nursing" or whatever you wanna call it. Everytime I talked to her after this, she seem to have a new boyfriend. I havent talked to her in over a year now, but every month it seemed to be someone new. Cant really blame her I guess for being that way. In her mind she want to help/heal everyone. But what hurts the most is when I say to someone directly and spesificly what hurts me the most, people still choose to do it to me. This has been with all my relationships and many just woman in general really. If I tell them what hurts me the most, almost guaranteed they will do it towards me. Even when its not provoked in any sence.
Guess that is my life experience in many ways. People will take advantage of you if you are sad and lonely, but also at the first sign of happiness also. Cause your no longer supposed to be nuritured or cared for when you first become a little happy.
By:
Wintersorrow
Age:
22-25
,
Male
