22 Years OldI don't really want to go into long details about all of my rather insignificant problems. I have clothes on my back, food on my plate, and a roof over my head. I know this makes me much better off than most people on the planet.
I just can't seem to shake off this notion that, holy **** I'm only 22, and if I live around an average lifespan for a male my age in the US I've got another 40+ years to go. The last few have been psychologically rough, and I just can't imagine pushing through another 40 years of life as I know it right now. Of course there are no guarantees... I could get hit by a bus tomorrow. But assuming I live a few more decades, I just can't even imagine dealing with it all for so much more time. Knowing that my responsibilities will increase, my family members will die, things will just generally get tougher. I hate that I rely on others to validate my own existence and well-being, but I just can't shake this feeling like loneliness is a path I will walk down for most of my life. I owe it to my loved ones not to do anything stupid, that's off of the table.
The probability is that I haven't met the girl I'll have the best relationship with yet, had the best sex, heard my all-time favorite song, etc... I'm not even halfway through an average lifespan for a guy my age, and the first 5 of those years are totally blank memory wise. So taking on a despondent attitude so early in the race is completely illogical. But as most of us know, we are feeling beings that think, not thinking beings that feel.
No point to any of this, just putting it into a written format to sort of get it all out there. Have a good one everybody.