Why I Can'T Leave Him?

He makes me feel worthless and empty. We have three children and he rather spend a Sunday with us. Every Sunday I feel emptiness because if I take my kids to the park it hurts me to see the families together and I don't even enjoy my kids. On Saturdays he only stays home if none of his friends have a barbeque or a party. Were always his last option. The problem is that when ever he decides to stay home I treat him good and were happy that his there. I feel that I should ignore him or make him feel bad but I can't, I feel that if his happy with us he won't wanna leave the house. He won't leave the house until one of his friends call him. The problem is that he is the funny guy and very popular so he always has somewhere to go without us. Sometimes I feel that he would never miss us if we ever get divorced, maybe that's what he wants. When he tells me that he loves me he also tells me that he can't be too nice to me or else I will stop loving him but I think that's ridiculous. The way he acts to me is what is gonna push me away from him one day and there wont be a second chance because I feel worthless to him. I wanna feel loved. I want to be someone's most important option not someone's second option.