It was a year ago that I graduated early from high school. I've been doing nothing but trying to deal with my own depression social inadequacies since than. It was a couple months ago I finally stopped cutting but recently I took up other methods like choking myself. Most of my family have forgotten or lost hope in me. I can't really blame them with the lack of progress in my life. I can't tell if I' drowning or watching from the surface; whether I'm awake or dreaming. Loneliness becomes insanity and desperation for something that's missing, I guess connection with society. Being alone makes things like how I look and behave not matter but now that I've let those things go returning to society seems impossible without preparation. I guess I can diet and find some sort of social activity to go to. Mot of the time it feels like this is the best opportunity to give up on life all together, or wish I'd never been born.