Just Me Here, Tonight

My brother ’s not home, disappeared a few hours ago for his DJ gig at a club across the city, and likely won’t be back until tomorrow morning, covered in some girl’s lipstick or some guy's— actually, I don’t want to think about where my brother goes on the weekends when he doesn’t make it back home. There’s a pang in my heart when I think about it, all the time he used to spend with me but instead now chooses to leave me alone for hours, sometimes days on end. But I'm not gonna let that ruin my free time now to do whatever I want around the apartment, be it listening to music or reading or studying until the early hours of the morning. Instead, I try to think of it as a way to make more art and get better at my hobbies. I can take care of myself, anyways. I'm almost 15 years old, I know it works. But no matter how strong I pretend to be, I think he knows I still need him to be there, to hold my hand and brush my hair until I fall alseep when I can't help but cry at night.