Am I That Bad?

Well, obviously I am here because I am lonely.  I don't understand completely why I cannot make friends.  I have a really hard time doing so, I think because I grew up short and fat until mid-high school, but by then my personality had been forged by taunts and bullies.  I have since outgrown the fat (although I struggle to maintain this everyday), but I have not outgrown the height deficiency, standing only 5'6". 

I think this has made me hyper-perceptive to my appearance which I believe to be the dominating factor in my lack of a female companion.  Not to mention the lack of confidence that follows.  I am not an ugly man, however, the requirement of height of men by women is a deeply-rooted one, as is their preference for loud, rowdy jerks.  Have we not as a society, especially in the female gender (allegedly more perceptive and emotional), not surpassed these archaic and caveman-like requisites?  I guess not.  If I can't grow, perhaps I should give being an ******* a shot.

Certainly, a proclamation like this I have written would make me MUCH less attractive to the "girls-just-wanna-have-fun" populous of females.  If it ain't all ***** and giggles, who wants to hear it, right?  People rarely have the empathy enough to listen to the woes of others.  I find this especially true in women.  The standards of women are so high, despite their complaints of male-scarcity, that the need for a moment of compassion for a man with an emotional struggle would be a HUGE turn-off.

Growing up ridiculed by peers and family alike, I have become very apprehensive to social interaction.  I detach myself from social gatherings and functions and distance myself from conversation and meeting new people.  I can see their discomfort when forced to communicate with me, as it can be very awkward speaking with me.

I think.  I think too much.  I can be a drag.  I lack the ability to spew social nonsense and general chit-chat banter.  I believe this is why, as I grow older, I find I am less and less welcome to join in all the fun I see around me.

Perhaps I need pills.  Do they make something for this?  Maybe therapy.  I don't know.  I just turned 30 and I feel this is spiraling into a potentially horrible fate.  Suicide has ALWAYS crossed my mind, literally daily, but I do not want to do it.  Whether I die young or die old, I do not want to die alone and friendless. 

Bruno Bruno
26-30, M
10 Responses Jun 18, 2007

The best advice I've ever gotten and taken was to donate my time to a cause, charity or get involved in Toastmasters will get you out of your head and give you something to talk about other than your troubles... the most boring people in the world always are the ones who talk about themselves...the most interesting ones are the ones who talk about ME...get it?

Type your comment here...

Don't try suicide. Don't do pills. It's not worth it. That's the only advice I can give you... you've read all there is to read about the magic of personality, battling insecurities, and all the junk along the same lines. I myself am here because I am terribly lonely. My problem is different - I am a single mother, and also care for (and live with) my mother. To most men, it's a huge turn-off... I am being immediately rejected by a large scores of those who don't want to date women with children; out of those left, I am yet to find one who would accept that my mother lives with me. But that's besides the point... let's hold each other up and chat about life every once in a while. How's that for a short-term solution, since I can't give you an advice?

My ex husband was also 5'6. He had a big personality though so lotsa girls wanted to date him. If you find a place for people with similar interests as you, that would be a good place because there you'd have the confidence needed. And that is what it boils down to. That's why it seems like women like ********, because they usually seem to have alot of confidence. So put on some trendycool clothes(not like everyone else wears, but hip, like a musician off stage!) and go to a cool coffeeshop or nightclub. Myself, I might look at the best looking guy in the club, but the guy who makes me laugh then impresses me with his clever conversation- that's the guy I'm gonna want to see again (or go home with if I'm drunk) *joke* Srsly dude - clothes + confidence + humor= will do it for you. I know, playing this silly game seems ridiculous, but perhaps it's hardwired into us. Most animals have some sort of ritual when it comes to mating, choosing a partner... Yea, for the most part women are attracted to the "biggest baddest toughest" But we'll STAY with the sweetest most thoughtful understanding guy..<br />
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((I tend to think too much too. I turned to drugs though- and became a social butterfly ;))

I know how you feel about the social akwardness. I suffer from that on a daily basis. Maybe the problem is not that you are trying to "fit in" with people that are on a higher level that you, but that you are not searching out people that are like YOU. It sounds like to me, that you are a VERY intelligent human being and that you are trying to fit in with the main crowd and honey, let me tell you, they are the ones who are losing out!

OMG. I was reading this picturing you as an older man, at least older than 30, as you state near the end of your story! So bizarre. <br />
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If it makes you feel any better, it sure doesn't sound like you've got a Napoleon complex. Self-loathing, yeah, but I don't know if you direct it outward. My sister dates a man who is a little taller than her and he's probably around 5'5". He's also talked about being bullied. <br />
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I don't recommend anti-depressants, some studies have shown that they cause weight gain and also that only the severely depressed should be taking them. For me, I got disinterested in sex when I was on an anti-depressant and another pill. <br />
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If you're suicidal you might want to find a professional to talk to. That's extreme, suicide is. Don't go there. Someday, you will be looking back at your life, glad that you didn't off yourself after all.

I know how you feel. <br />
I have been lucky in the past to get a couple of girlfriends, and I've slept with most girls than most non-pla<x>yer dudes, but for the last year and a half since my last gf left me for one of my friend, I have been crushed. I have tried getting out there but since then I have been used for a one-night-stand with a girl I really loved (hurtful), played by an attention-***** who I thought she liked me, and then nothing.<br />
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Since then, I have been getting no romantic attention or anyone even remotely interested. <br />
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I know it's up to me to get out there but I am too broken and rarely approach a girl I want to meet, and even when I do meet her, she doesn't look that interested.<br />
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I've even been reading seduction and pickup material a lot but I am still too scared to practice it. I tried but no results means more doubts.<br />
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I'm a fairly good looking guy, I find myself very intelligent, I am generous in love and in bed, but I am so scared of not being loved back. I wish if any girl was interested in me that at least she'd show me, she'd be guaranteed that I'd give her a fair shot.

Looks and physical appearance have nothing to do with getting a woman. It's ALL about personality but it seems you're letting your insecurity run into your personality and you sabotage yourself before you even get close to a woman. Believe me again when I say its all about personality, forget your appearance. Got a sense of humour? use it! Be friendly - imagine what you would think if you met someone like yourself in a bar? A woman would think the same. Hope alls well.

I know exactly what you mean my friend. Women are very hurtful creatures, just look at some facts, 80% of relationships are ended by women. I think its because women know that its very easy for them to find willing male partners and its certainly alot easier for them to pull. I have had 3 women who i loved dearly take a giant **** on me although i gave them everything i could!. The facts are there will always be some bloke richer more successful and more attractive than you to steal your loved one it sucks i know but its true. Now i treat women like they have treated me, just dont beleive their bullshit cos it will only lead to hurt!

Not every female wants a guy who is six feet tall, height doesn't always matter. Girls do not just want to date rowdy jerks, but confidence is attractive. People are willing to listen to your problems, but not on a first date, no one wants to be around someone who is always unhappy. It seems like you are judging the world in retaliation to a judgment you passed on yourself. Perhaps it is that you need pills, but maybe you just need to talk you way through a few things. Try talking to a therapist, you are obviously unhappy with the way things are now.