Always Lonely!

Hi everyone.

I'm so lonely as well - like all of you. I think for me I spend so much time trying to pretend I'm not lonely that when I can't hide it anymore I really do feel as if my world is about to end. It's like a continous strain to keep up the pretence that it builds and build and then its like a dam breaking - I cry and cry and can't stop. If you asked anyone who knows me if I was a lonely person they would say no. I think the only person who I've actually told I'm lonely is my Mum and a male friend who lives in another country so while he is there for me spiritually and in my heart, he's not here when I need a hug. I think its because I live by myself. Most people have no idea what it is like to spend night after night on your own with only the TV for company! Most people would break after about 1 week of it so I guess I shouldn't be too hard on myself if I only crack a few times a year. I find it really hard to show my emotions and talk about my feelings - instead I tend to end up hurting the people who do actually care for me. EG. my mum was supposed  to visit me this weekend - I drove to my parents especially to bring her back with me to make life easier for her but she decided at the last minute to stay with my sister. I got upset, then she got upset because I was upset and I ended up not talking to her. I know she probably thinks I'm being selfish and moody but it was purely because I had spend so much time looking forward to having a human being in my house for a few days that it was a major disappointment that she wasnt coming. anyway I successed in making her upset and left without talking to her. Now I'm upset that I upset her rather than being along again!!!! I can't stand that she was upset by me - she was only trying to do the right thing by staying with my sister. I'm sure this doesnt make sense to anyone reading it but I've been crying now for about 48 hours because I think I've isolated the only person in my life who makes any effort to make sure I'm Ok everyday.

I'm 36 and never knew life would be this lonely.

WishIwasHappy WishIwasHappy
36-40, F
7 Responses Jun 18, 2007

Honey anytime you want to talk ,check on me ,let me know your o k feel free to I am here for you baby

I have read what u have written. I too know what it feels like to be how u r now. I am 30 on Monday and I have nothing. Last year my world collapsed and its been hard trying to rebuild it. I have nothing. I feel as if I want to end my life many times but im still here and fighting. If ever u need a chat drop me a message. Try not to beat yrself up I do understand x sending u biggest hugs

oh hun i really feel for you and i know how easy it is to get into this situation but the only person who can turn this around is you. <br />
you have to get out meet new people, make a life for yourself no one else can do it for you, and i know it isnt always easy but trust me you will feel a hell of a lot better if you do. <br />
sitting in dors is not going to make you feel better

Thank you for sharing. Please call your Mom. Don't say you're sorry or try to explain. Just call and see what happens.

If i was in yr life, i'd tie you down and give you so much affection and attention you'd be begging for some alone time :) actually, i'm a lot like you and value independence and freedom and quiet time by myself.. and i'm very familiar with lonelieness that leads to despair!! thx for sharing yr difficult feelings.

Hi i really feel for you too but let me say that you dont have to be alone to feel lonely. Everyone feels lonely at some point in their life its in our nature as humans. You should take pro-active steps to end this cycle. Why not advertise for a flat-mate? join a club? Join a dating site? Join a social group? You must do something to improve your social circle and im sure if you try you can do it! good luck!.

I truly feel for you. This is the curse of our time, we live increasingly separated lives. Rest assured paradoxically you certainly are not alone. I am a solo Dad running a business from home and have experienced many days without contact with anyone just bubba. It is a very unhealthy way to live. However I have tried my best to deal with this. Not only by reaching out to the few people I know but also in the way I run my day to day life. Firstly and I can't emphasise this enough, lifestyle! Try not to drink or smoke, make sure you excersice everyday, this is the one thing that has changed my life more than anything. I feel good and project that to others who in turn respond more positively than they would otherwise when I felt down. It is very difficult to start but it does get you out of the house and gets you to focus on other things. I am sure you know all of this though and the despare of loneliness is very difficult to deal with even if you are fit and healthy! Loneliness is a normal reaction to isolation or perceived isolation, be kind to yourself, you are still young and have unlimited potential. Smile.