Oh, This Is Cute....

My first thought was to throw MY version of the same old I-Lost-My-Partner-and-Best-Friend story up onto this page, here...BUT....On second thought, I want to make some comments. This site is great, so far. I just joined and it seems to be exactly what I'm looking for. Kudos to the authors. Seriously.

Now, I do have a problem. I have been reading through some of these stories and feel sympathy and empathy for all of them. We are all experiencing some strong emotions and dealing with complicated issues. Nobody's problems are ANY LESS important than anyone else's. Most of us are feeling emotions that are hurting us in one way or another. So we post our story, perhaps gather insight, advice, friendship, etc.. Here's my problem. Many people are REALLY, REALLY bad at this whole empathy/sympathy thing. Example: "Hi, my name is Donnie Wahlberg. You may remember me from such appearances as NKOTB, and The Sixth Sense. I've been feeling really low lately. I have a lot of friends, a big family, and great coworkers. But no matter how many people I have around me, I still seem to be feeling really alone. I don't know why. I just don't feel like anybody understands me."    Okay. Donnie doesn't seem too happy, does he? There is obviously something going on with this guy and he is looking for support, advice, etc.. DON'T be this NEXT person!!: "Hi, I'm Janus. Just feel LUCKY you HAVE a family, Donnie! At least you have people around you that love you! MY problems are WORSE than yours because I'M BROKE, my WIFE hates me, my dog died, and my WHOLE family drove off of a cliff in a schoolbus that they were driving across Arizona! See? My problems are WORSE, so you should be HAPPY compared to ME!"    Get the picture? While that is a VERY unfortunate set of circumstances in Janus's life, and he definitely needs some support, it doesn't need to be at the expense of Donnie's feelings. To the outsider, Donnie's problem may not seem as dramatic as Janus's. But Donnie can quite possibly be hurting JUST as much as Janus. You never know what underlying issues there may be with another person. Nobody's feelings are expendable or worthless, no matter HOW much worse you think your problems are. Let's try to help each other, folks. Instead of telling Donnie how he SHOULD feel, try telling him that you UNDERSTAND his feelings, and that you are sorry he feels so crappy! And then you can share some of YOUR experiences to SHOW him you understand.

Feel free to tell me to get bent and go to hell. :) I just think we could be nicer to each other.

JanusOperative JanusOperative
26-30, M
5 Responses Jun 21, 2007

Had to read this again. Wished EP had a bookmark feature.

Right!!!

It hink that it is okay to tell somone they are not making sense saying how they have a ll these friends and how the freinds are great and they go out al the time and then they say they feel alone. And actually some people ARE worse off than others. <br />
If I could write to everyone, I'd say- we are alone people. YOu were born alone. But get in tune with your inner spirit. KNow that you have a spirit and face that and be okay with that.<br />
I guess it' sup to us to find that way to be giving to others. I don' t know what to say to wrap this up really. We are alone; that's what I concede. but there is more to it. An d the more to it is our spirit.

Wow! You have some real words of wisdom. So many people out here need somebody, and it's sad that someone has to be so selfish that they can't get outside themselves for one moment. I'm going through a tough time too and this site is a stroke of genious but just to say one thing nice seems to be so hard for some people. I've tried to reach out and some people can be so mean. I have to say that I agree with everything you've said, and to say thank you for your ex<x>pression. You are a very thoughtful person.

I agree... but no matter how you go about it, there is always going to be some negative reaction sometimes. It's just enevitable. Frankly, after I started reading some stories, I started to get impatient, and I realize, that's part and parcel of my problem, and perhaps others. I haven't even posted my story, and already, I'm disowning it. ;-) I can only hope that those daring to share aren't dissuaded to keep trying...