More Lonely Every Day..

I have 3 best friends. All male. Two have girlfriends. One has another best friend. None of them leave near where I live. I occasionally speak to them online.. but no more. I feel as if they are the only three people that I have in the whole world. And I have a strong feeling inside me that none of them enjoy are too bothered whether or not they speak to me or not.

Even when i speak to them, i mess things up, being moody or else just trying to make them jealous. Without them I have nothing, and I feel like I am REALLY without them. I often have nobody to talk to, and I have nobody who I can 100% trust in. There's so much i want to say, and I can't. So, it remains locked up inside of me. And, so, I feel very very alone.

You know, standing in a room full of people and there's still someone who feels alone? Whatever room I'm in, that person's always me.
bulletinmybutterflywing bulletinmybutterflywing
18-21, F
2 Responses Jul 10, 2007

No comment edit feature? Really?<br />
Anyway, that was supposed to have read " Honestly, it WOULD be nice...<br />
Oh, cool nick btw.

It's postively scarey sometimes how things written by other people on here, echoe completely feelings I've had or have. Unfortunately, I have a duality, in which, I recognize my own distorted views... Frankly, sometimes I think "ignorance is bliss" is preferable. Alas, not to be. Most of my best friends the past 10ish years have been, eventually, my exes. That's been hard, especially, when I wonder, why can't I have male friends like a "normal" guy? Anyway, in that room where you absolutely certain you are the only lonely person, is probably another, smiling gamely, gritting down the bile in their throat and trying to settle a nervous heart... It's a matter of perception. Honestly, it was be nice if lonely people could support each othe more easily, but by our very nature we are sometimes oblivious to our sisters and brothers all around us. Not to mention people have trouble getting along as it is... ;-)