Leaving Me Behind

I'm not actually left behind, but that's how I feel.
My favourite aunt and her son, the best cousin EVER (we were like brothers), are moving to another country. I love them so much and I feel so sad that they're leaving. I would do anything to stop them, but if this is what they want I won't even try to stop them. I know it'll make them happy. But I'm afraid that next year or after 2 years or more when I'll see them again I'll see new persons, way different than the ones I used to know. I don't want them to leave, it's like losing a part of me. Who knows when I'll see them again... sigh. This makes me feel lonely.

Also, I feel so lonely since this last Wednesday. That evening I had a long discussion that turned into a fight (for like 4 hours) with my boyfriend. We fought because I'm jealous on other girls (who are just good friends with him, and already have bfs) he spends time with and he feels like I don't trust him. He was really harsh with me and he said it's better if we remain friends. He considered the relationship over after he said that. I begged him in tears, breaking up with him would have ruined me. He said he'll give me another chance. That hurt me. So much that I keep thinking of that. It's like my only thought. I said I'd try to trust him more and he said that he loves me more now that I promissed I would try. I find that really hard to believe, but I went with it. I feel so lonely since then. That night I went to sleep crying, when I woke up I cried, then at random times I just burst into tears.

My dad came home on Thursday and told me he was fired. He told me he doesn't have where to go to work anymore. Our main source of income was gone and dad was on the verge of depression. That just shocked me. Nobody who I tried to talk with about it seemed to care about it. That afternoon-evening I met with my boyfriend and my first reaction when I saw him was to cry like crazy. He started apologising for being harsh with me. I told him my father got fired and that I feel so sad because of yesterday. He didn't know what to say. Then he started saying how screwed up his life is (and he really has bigger problems than me and I feel bad for being selfish now. but the truth is I couldn't have known about his problems so meh) and shared some things with me he said he never told anyone than me. That seriously didn't make me feel better. But I tried to be at least (even if just a little) supportive and tried to make the time enjoyable until he had to leave.

The next day we didn't talk much. Now it's Tuesday and I haven't seen him since Saturday. I feel like dying, because I miss him like crazy and I feel more lonely than ever. He left today the town, he'll be returning on Thursday. It seems like an eternity, knowning we won't be able to talk at all, not even online, maybe just txt messaging. I don't know if Friday we'll spend time together, I don't know if it's going to be a happy day, because on Friday my aunt and my awesome cousin are leaving.

I'm confused about how should I feel. I just want to lock myself up in a room and weep and stay there in my loneliness, like nothing of this is happening.

I feel so sad and lonely. And since that day with the fight I feel like nobody understands me, I just want to isolate myself until my boyfriend is back. At least I know he *tries* to get me ._. I started dreaming him, I think of him that much and I want him even more.

I didn't know a fight can hurt me this much... or is just the load of things happening?
whatsername whatsername
26-30, F
3 Responses Jul 10, 2007

Well, my boyfriend is back in town but he didn't have time to speak with me. I messaged him a few times and he answered just once while he was gone :'(.<br />
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And my aunt and cousin are leaving today, at 3 AM. I visited them and said goodbye and we had a great time together. I hope that next time I'll see them we'll have fun like that again.

I know what it is like when someone moves away...it hurts so bad....<br />
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I hope you feel better ......I'm a good listener if you ever should need one :)

my first reaction to reading your story is...no guy is worth feeling like it's the end of the world or life as you know it. and also no woman should have to"beg" for someone!!! i'm not judging you, because i was younger once too (lol) and reacted that way. i guess when you get older you look back and wonder why you took so much...you and your boyfriend have to be able to talk and each listen to the other....good luck and god bless. i'm here if u want to talk