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Will It Ever Cease???

This lonliness....sometimes, I SWEAR I'm dying from the inside out. 


I heard about this experiment that was conducted once, in Germany.  They took a bunch of orphaned babies and split them into two groups.  To the first group, they gave the normal amount of nurturing, affection and love.  To the other, they had only limited contact with;  just when neccesary to physically maintain their lives.  The second group suffered from a condition called, "Failure to thrive"  This second group of babies didn't gain weight like they were supposed to and suffered all manner of developmental disabilities!  Well, that's how I feel, sometimes.


I've spent YEARS in virtual isolation.  Some of it is self-imposed...because I enjoy being a lone.  And, plus, with the bipolar, lots of times, I just have NO tolerance for people.  But, I can't remember the last time someone in my real life said or did something genuinely kind to or for me.  It makes me so sad and, honestly, I feel like one of those german babies.  I'm losing weight and can never hide from the piercing ache in my gut...the undying ache for love..... for real friendship....


I have become QUITE the homebody in recent years.  A lot of my staying at home started because of the overdose and my drug and alcohol abuse..from my not trusting myself and being afraid of what kind of messes I would get myself into.  But, I'm not anti-social.  I interact with people wherever I go, whenever I do leave the house, even if it's only to go to the corner store.  I deeply enjoy the relationships I've developed within my (small) community.  I'm also very adventurous...I LOVE new experiences, and usually, won't hesitate to do life on my own..by myself.  (I even went camping last summer alone!  It was awesome...very healing and cleansing...like fasting.  I danced by my fire to India Arie's "Purify Me" LIKE NO ONE WAS WATCHING!  awesome ****...that dancing like no one is watching...I highly reccommend it for every breathing soul!)


So, it's not like I'm an introvert or afraid of living.  I don't have agoraphobia or anything like that.  I like being at home but, i'm also just really TIRED of doing EVERYthing alone.  Just last night, because I felt like dancing and had gotten tired of doing it alone for the passed three days in my bedroom, I went out to a local club....by myself!  I walked straight through the door, (shook the hand of the doorman who was there to ask for id's instead of reaching for my driver's license) then walked, in a straight line, directly onto the dance floor, where I stayed until my hair was soaked with sweat and I left.  I never visited the bar or the restroom.  I just danced, and relished the feel of all that energy....of all those people coming together for a common purpose....to move to music.  This isn't the first time I've done it.  The point is, I CAN do stuff like that and find true fulfillment.  BUT I AM STILL SO ******* LONELY, I COULD JUST DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MysticWriter MysticWriter 36-40, F 260 Responses Aug 10, 2006

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Write music. You have the gift. Uplift others with your songs and you will touch the world and you will be overwhelmed with gratitude.

Dont blame yourself for other people's selfishness and their inability to be kind to you. I am saying thus because I know what kind of people I hv met and how they have treated me. Nobody wants to be alone voluntarily.

You did right!! Don't isolate yourself. Go out meet ppl, if your friends can't support you through the bad times they are not friends, break the ties. Seek ppl that encourage you, be there to listen to you through good and bad that's a friend. I know where you stand. I am in the same boat. Just similar circumstances and different ones. Just try to be happy no matter the circumstances. You have my sympathy.

emptiness and pain comes from your soul. the only way to feed your soul is to give. volunteer

Reading you is like reading a page in my diary from a few years ago.
I was a nice girl, very social, enjoying new experiences, , and i was going out by myself without a fear dancing too (probably to the song "dancing with mysehelf"), but there was this void already, i managed to feel like i filled it up most of the time and deluded myself in one night bonds with almost imaginary "friends" ... But the day after i was alone again ...

I also have 4 girlfriends whom i have known for 12 to 23 years for some of them (I am 24 years old) and we're supposed to be the best friends !!! please ... I mean, sure when we meet once evry 6 months it feels like nothing has changed, and sure we tell jokes, stuff, and drink and laugh, but my heart's not to it ... Which one of my bestfriends actually texted me or enquired for news, or even answered to my cry for help during the 6 months we didn't see each other? None, because they don't want to hear the pain or suffering, they can only handle the fun times, and the meet ups planning via the facebook group dedicated to it . When i know they talk to each other and do stuff without me (not that i should AKWAYS be part of EVERYTHING, but i can't be PART of NOTHING and still smile can I ?)during these times i'm crying and no one even bothers anymore, because they assume it's my turn to write or something, how am i supposed to write ? my endeavours've all been absolutely useless ...

I took trips/roadtrips, i've played music, i've danced, i've hung out in bars, met new people, ahain and again .... ALWAYS ALONE .... STILL ALONE ...

But it's been going on for long now and my state only was deteriorated by time and efforts ... I've given up, i started to disappear, to hide, i don't have a job anymore, i neglect myself, i stay in my room crying, doing nothing, i even missed an appointment at the unemployment office, and for that matter i won't have money anymore but i don't care ... I want it to cease even if i have to disappear ... I don't have IDs anymore lost them a year ago and never replaced them, soon even society will have forgotten me, Fired me ?

I took my chances, all i got was loneliness ... I give up

Don't give up!! Fight i also want to give up cause nothing ever changes no matter how much I try to change it. So fight like your in a war for survival.

Fight like you're defending love. Because love always prevails. War serves no one. Be the change you are looking for and others will follow your lead.

You haven't given up. Write that book you always wanted to write. Write it about what you are passionate about. It's waiting for you to spread good news and to give others companionship. Maybe a book of poems? Recipes?

I too suffer from bipolar. I can't stand meeting new people, it brings on a horrible anxiety. So all I'm left with is this crushing loneliness.

you can overcome this if you feel i can help as a MH nurse i am here

When you feel anxious find something to soothe you. Music, art, prayer, meditation, exercise, dancing. What touches your soul the most? What are you denying yourself? Try chakra cleansing or try a journal and write down your feelings, your beliefs, your needs your insecurities and take time to read them to yourself out loud. Then identify the things you can change and what you cannot. What you cannot change, let it go. What you can change, make a list and check them off one at a time as you do change them. Feel your own power. You control your life. Be your own best friend and encourage yourself. Use positive affirmations you believe in and use them daily! You can change anything you chose to change.

loneliness is a state of mind you can be a hermit and live alone on a mountain surrounded by nature and be at peace with the world or live in Europe's biggest city with a population of 8 million people and be very lonely. as a counsellor and psychologist i may be able to help

I am going through the same :( I just wish I could die :(

Yet you are very much alive. Get in tune with yourself. Since you do not seem to fear death, maybe you fear living. The only way to conquer that is to find your gift, you have one, and you know it. Stop being afraid, and just go do it!! Go for it. When we try we succeed. What is your talent? What is it you want? Volunteer at a soup kitchen or something like that. When you help others, you help yourself.

Loneliness is the most crippling disease that humans can experience, in my opinion. After all, it is proven human beings can die from simply being ostracized by their society.

Do whatever you can to get your mind off of it, and try your hardest to use sites like these and other internet sites to find support or even just humor. The mindset of being lonely can be more damaging than the loneliness itself.

I agree but I sometimes feel like I rather be single and alone than with someone and lonely.

Well said. Law of attraction.

You need to make a habit of going out dear you might start alone but soon you will meet friends. Dear the human being was made to relate we are relational human beings so pls take note

I wish I had the guts to do the dancing like you did at the bar. Nice.

Very true, great courage. You have a beautiful name by the way, it means wisdom.

I'm adventurous too. I'm not afraid to do anything alone. I go urban exploring and spray painting alone. Tonight I went to a Shakespeare play and a free movie in the park alone. But I'm getting tired of being alone..so much.

Speaking out against the evil of human society is always right, and always empowering. Whether isolated now, or socialised at cost of a lot of unjust personal repression, or can remember past times of being either or both, what all can do is tell each other how well they realise this truth. There is a solidarity in it.

Well, as said in a Fall Out Boy song, "The best of us can find happiness in misery." So, I hope you really find happiness in misery because I think you're one of the best of us. :D cheer up

I feel alone all the time too, especially at parties and gatherings, despite having hoards of friends and acquaintances.It doesn't matter whether you're alone at home or at a public gathering.Loneliness is a matter of the mind.It's that gaping hole in your soul which can be filled by just a single person who truly understands and values you.

Hi MysticWriter. I found this site just a few minutes ago by googling 'I am lonely'. I know how you feel with the loneliness though otherwise we're very different. I guess my equivalent feeling to how you felt when camping and dancing alone is last summer when I took a random last minute road trip out west. I packed my stuff up in a couple of hours and hit the road. I am normally a very predictable person in many aspects, but the freedom and beauty of nature I experienced on that nearly 4000 mile trip made me feel like nothing else ever has. I am sorry you feel lonely but I am glad you are able to find your moments of beauty in life. Those are what we all live for no matter who we are. I hesitate to give advice but I would just say that maybe you, I, and everyone else lonely out there should seek these moments out more often without regard for others' actions or feelings. Maybe in doing so, we'd find some others who we can be with and kill our loneliness.

oh good dawg, just die a bit quicker!!!

Well my friend, I belong to the other group of kids who were secluded. So I would request you to send me a pill which can put an end to all my sufferings. Trust me buddy, you would be my best friend ever ! Love to you !
I wish you my share of all the happiness. May god be with you.

Wow, I know that feeling like you are dying from the inside out. I can feel lonely in a room full of people. Nobody wants to know how I really feel, not even me anymore. I never thought that life could feel so awful.

I am like this too except that I don't even bother trying to meet people anymore. I am nice whenever I am out, but I don't attempt to talk to people unless confronted first. It's funny how you mentioned that experiment with the babies because I feel I have those problems too.

relationships are hard work, to get a little u have to give a lot

But when you give it your all and still get rejected. It's hard to smile during the crisis.

~You~ are so cool! Keep dancin :) With or without somebody!

Peaceness and Love Mystic

Hey man.,

I feel what you are saying. Me i am lonely 2. It all started when something very very traumatizing happened to me in my own family. I didnt get raped but what i saw is so bad that i feel kinda raped.

Before that i had a lot of friends and i was very popular at school. ( i was 15 then) . After i seen this i became very anti social, i sitted alone in school yart and didsnt greet people anymore. now 10 years later i am all by myself. my family dont talk to me no more i dont have friends and not 1 girl looks or want to to talk to me. Im not bad looking.

I dont want to be like this. i want to be happy and have a normal life like everybody else. i want to laugh with people and everythign.

I cant do it. its so bad that sometimes i ask God to take my life away. Im so tired of it.

can u add me please?

I know the feeling. Feel free to add me if you choose and need to vent.

Sometimes being alone within a group of people is the most painful. I am in a wheelchair and below most peoples line of vision. I feel like I don't exist. Sometimes I wonder if I do. But you seem to know that you have a place in this world. When you go out go to a group or a church where someone will ask your name and interact with you. You don't need to isolate yourself. Bipolar is now more understood. There a groups where you could connect with other people who know how you feel. If you are on track with your meds and not abusing drugs or booze you can find a friend. It only takes one to make the difference. Don't waste your life. You could find happiness out there somewhere. Two can dance as beautifully as one.

PLEASE can people stop saying they want to die. You only get one life so live it. If you are a nice sweet person, one day people WILL notice that. I promise. I can't promise it will be soon but it will happen. Cus no-one deserves to be alone. Just don't waste your life, who cares what people think about you just live your life how you want to and forfill all your dreams, don't let other people bring you down. They will come round, one day. :)

thats the worst of loneliness, you're not antisocial yet you're alone, i recomend you to start seeing someone who you believe have feelings for you( friendship or romantic) going out with someone will aid you and i bet you know that person

There are groups known as "Meet Ups". For every kind of interest, hobby, and age range. They're located all over the country. You can usually find many near where you live. Go to www.meetup.com and check them out. There's bound to be a meetup group you would like to join, or you can start one yourself. I found out about Meet Up groups while searching online oneday, as I suffer from loneliness too. You can try a group out to see if you feel comfortable with them. After that, you can join the group - most only cost $5 a year! The only thing you have to do is show up - and if you decide the group is not for you, there is no commitment. You will meet others who show up for the first time too, so you often won't be the only newbie in the group. You mention you love dancing. There are dancing groups! You can complete a very quick and simple checklist of your interests and Meet Up will instantly bring up groups that meet your interests. Please try it out. As you can see, there are thousands of people who feel lonely, just like you. You are not alone!! And remember, YOU ARE LOVED.

Im alone. I know i always will be. Its a terrible kold cascading over my shoulder down my side and through my toes kind of feeling. I feel pain and sadness everyday of every second of my fruitless simple lost attempt at life

As sad as your comment is I know how you feel. I feel like I have just given up on myself. There was a bright future at one point but now all I see is blackness. I wish I could be of more help but I just wanted to say that I sympathize with you and that you are not alone in your feeling.

Well, nothing is nicer than dying. After you wil have died to yourself as an ego, then you will be made dance with the universal music by the universal intelligence and love which is moving the all. Do not fear to die!

While my story is different, I too ended up here. I hide in my house. If you want to reach out for support, I can listen.