I Feel So Alone

I don't know why I always feel like I am lonely. I don't know what I am looking for. I have friends and my family's always there but something's missing. I shed tears at night. I feel sorry for myself over nothing. It's devastating and I can't even tell this to anyone. It's a secret I always kept because I know if they know about it they'll think I am crazy. It got worst when I fell inlove with some guy. He's not just someone but he was one of my close friend. We had so much fun. We were inseparable but everything changed when we got involved. Not in a romantic way 'cuz I don't think he cares for me the same way I did for him. He kind of took advantage of my feelings and took me for granted 'cuz he knows I was inlove with him. Everything was platonic. I did hope more from us until suddenly he changed. I expected that. We didn't end up romantically as I hoped. Our friendship changed, too. So, I realized he's not after me for love but for something else. I thought I can change him but I was wrong. He's will always be the guy who used to be my friend...a total jerk. What's worst? I haven't got the chance to tell him how I felt but i'm glad I didn't. If I did, he must have think I am desperate. My friends never liked him for me. They warned me but I didn't listen. I was fooled by someone I trust. However, I wouldn't call it stupidity 'cuz somehow I fought it, I used my head and not my heart most of the time. Even if I wanted us to be official, something told me not to until our time together has to end. He didn't dump me, I didn't dump him...it just stopped. I think I still care for him but I don't think I am still inlove with him. I moved on and I am quite contented right now. Being single is not bad as everyone thought. It made me love myself more, independent and strong. I wont say I regret the times I had with him 'cuz albeit the pain he caused me, he made me feel special and beautiful. Well, I think he did care for me a little bit but he's just not ready to change for me. Maybe someday he'll find the 'one' he's looking for. I'm glad I stayed away from him as far as I can. For a while, I was lost and so down I thought I can never get up but I realized I am a strong woman. Yes, I might be lonely most of time, hoping to find true love, hoping to be loved but at least I have the power to control my feelings now. I am guarded but I always open my door for opportunities. He hurt me but he taught me a lot.

WandaFull27 WandaFull27
26-30, F
9 Responses Jan 17, 2007

You are not alone in this issue. It sounds a lot to me like you may be heartbroken, but I can tell you are very strong.

Everyone had their moments in this struggle of life and quest for love. But, it seems to me like you know yourself well. I feel like you know yourself better than I know myself.

I hope that you find the peace and love that you need.

@Duggs: I guess you're right. In the end of the day i end up crying to my own pathetic confessions. I have outgrown the pain but the sting is still there. thanks. I'll keep that in mind. :)

Have some faith in yourself. Concentrate on you. The better you are, the more confident you are in yourself. The more confident you are in yourself the more attractive you are. It's not only women who want the fairy tale too. Men also want this...it's just we tend to say it in other words.

You are missing God in your life. Since I was a young girl I always felt alone I used to go fishing at our pond and talk to god because I was confused about my feelings for other girls, then as I grew older I began to be involved with lesbians. I no longer live that life style because I know there is a better purpose for my live. I am not condemming that life style, I have just found a greater purpose in my life. When I die I don't want to go to the unknown

That Is very true, yes we miss God,and the place from we came from, some where our home we left in other world, as you noticed when people are so sad ,bored desperate they says I miss my home, gona be at home, but they do not know whic home, but our soul knows which home ,soul want to go back home.
If you like add me,might I guide,

maybe thats all of our problem we want the fairy tell, well some of us.

It has been a long time since I post a story here. I never realized I was that hurt but I am good now. He got married last April and am glad he did because I now believe that there can always be second chances. I am still single, at 30 but I don't know what I want yet. A little romance would be a good start. I haven't had that for a very long time now and it would be great to feel the magic. Love is very risky thing but I think it is worth trying. I've never been in love...well, that's what I choose to believe, though but I want to feel that now. I guess I am ready. It's pretty lonely not to have someone to talk to. After all, thirty is really old enough and I definitely don't wanna live alone.

v.v i m in the same way u r in i m feeling lonely (always especally at night) -.-

im only 16 and from what i experience cuz i tgot few weeks off school that lonliness comes from not socailising.....you all gorwn ups just need to join or club or get married and have children....cherios

Hey doll! I know EXACTLY where you are coming from. I was in a very similar position myself with a very very close friend. He spend months dating a girl who was a close friend of mine, and I spent a few dating his roommate, but since the 7th grade i had been in love with this guy. When I broke up with his roommate and he broke up with my friend, we just happened to bump into each other one night at a local pub. We both had friends with us, but decided we should all just get together and have a few drinks. Well, by the end of the night, he and I were inseperable and we ended up in my home and in my bed. It was the most wonderful and beautiful sexual experience for the both of us, but when it canme down to talking about the position we had put ourselves into, it was agreed that because our ex's we could not be together. We were caught in a catch 22. I was saddened by this, as was he, but we had to do what was right. Then came halloween. It was a total replay of the first night, and it was just as strong, and passionate as the first night. We spent the next day with each other, but, unfortunatley, i found out he was technically seeing someone else at that point. I knew at that point that it could NEVER happen again. I did not want to be that girl that sttod in the way of someone else's happiness. I put myself in the position of the other woman and how hurt she would be had she found out. I am still very much in love with him, this will never change, I am am glad that I told him the full extent of my feelings for him. Now I can never look back and say "what if".<br />
what I learned from this is that although there may be some sort of connection between two people that makes them perfect for each other in SOME way, it may not be the right way - never miss out on a chance because until you take it you will never know the outcome. <br />
Goodluck doll!