Lonely and Feeling Hopeless...

This certainly is not the way I thought my life would turn out.  Alone, with very few friends, never married, have no kids, and now I will probably lose my house.

I just can't figure out what has happened to me.  I'm not a dumb person, or mean - I know I have self esteem issues but really - am I that bad of a person?

Me best friend and I have been through some really trying times together but now it seem like whenever I try to talk to her she doesn't want to listen.  All she wants to do is talk about her problems.  And if she says anything at all it is to tell me what to do.  I just want someone to talk to, someone to listen to me.

I'm so lonely that I don't even know what I really want.  Does that make any sense?  I couldn't finish the sentence "I want...".  Most of the time I feel like staying in bed and hiding.

The funny thing is that I am so lonely I ache inside and yet all I want to do is be by myself.  More hiding I guess.

I feel pretty hopeless right now and most of the time wonder if the battle is really worth it.  Sometimes I think it would be better to just check out.  I probably would but then what would happen to my animals? 

I know that I am rambling but I guess that is what I need to do right now. 

Every morning when I get up I tell myself - you are going to have a GREAT day today.  But most days turn out as bad as all the yesterdays or worse.

The only family I have left is my sister and brother and I am pretty much estranged from them.  And to think we all grew up so close.  My Mom died in 1987 and I lost my Dad in 2005 which really turned my world upside down.  Ever since then I just can't seem to get my ducks in a row.  You should see my house - it looks like a pig pen and I'm honestly not that way.  I'm usually pretty neat and organized.  Now I'm doing good if I can find the phone, my keys, the way to bed.

It would be so nice to have someone over and have a Pepsi, cup of coffee or whatever, and just sit and chat.

MTBunnyLuv MTBunnyLuv
46-50, F
5 Responses Feb 14, 2009

What a good idea writerthinker. I just wish I could make friends with myself. Most of the time I don't like me and wonder why anyone else would. But that gives me something to work on.

I have had lonely moments too, especially since my wife died 3 years ago. Occasionally they are real intense. That is when I write out what I prize about myself. It may sound trite but making friends with myself has been a helpful approach for me to deal with my loneliness.

I'm the same. I'm not even in a position to be able to have pets, (which I would dearly love), because financially I can't have my own place. Make the most of all your lovely animals BunnyLuv, they're more loyal than humans anyway and their love is unconditional. And you can always write to me - as I completely empathise with how you feel.

I feel that way most mornings too, i would love to have coffee with you...maybe you could reconsider your relationship with your siblings. I am an only child and i know if i didn't have a child my parents would never visit. Anyway, you can always talk/write to me. PaL

i am also feeling alone.. at the moment i did not know why.. its hard to xplain some time our feelings...